Conz6th

Philippines’ Race and the Yellow Lace

2010-07-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

These are the days of new mornings. An explicit time in which my beloved Philippines has found its hope to be triumphant and victorious. A chance to redeem itself in front of the entire world who might just be expecting failure once again. Now the Philippines is relentlessly showered with a lot of promises that if promises happened to be pieces of bills then we’d be the richest country to date. Promises in which some are sugar-coated while some are just made of brittle type of glass bound to break any moment. Nevertheless, beyond these oceans of assurances are the silver linings on the sky beckoning to the whole nation that a new day has just began.

However as the word “new” surfaces, changes then follow and most of the time it’s obviously undeniable. Every time I watch news on TV today, it always tickles my tiniest bone to see people who ardently raise their hands to make Philippines work this time. Gone are the days wherein the media ruthlessly castigates every Government decision there is. The activists who usually do noise barrage on the street are nowhere to be found. Every politician is always feeling at their best reaching the point of being vocal about how they’re so willing to be cooperative that the usual disagreements are yet to be seen. All of these are just too good to be true. Well I’m guessing everyone is at home, sitting back and relaxing as they watch the Philippines unfold its new chapter.

Then there’s the newly elected President of the Republic of the Philippines always setting his best foot forward. All words that are coming out from his mouth are nothing but good intentions. He wants to finally eradicate this and implement that to the point of being too trying hard. At times I already feel like it’s service to impress (the press?). On the other hand, it’s a classic move and quite normal. He’s the newest President and we can only assume that part of his job is to make the Filipino people feel that they made the right decision. Like seriously? Did we really make the right decision? I say, “It’s too soon to judge and too early to tell”.

I’d be honest though that I never really casted my vote for Noy2x or most commonly referred to as P-Noy nowadays (way too cheesy huh?). I’ve got ample of reasons and to name a few? He lacked the experience and too subtle yet arrogant at times. Most of all, he was merely under the shadows of his parents who benevolently did an heroic act for the Philippines which made me wonder – where would he be if it weren’t for his parents. But enough of my skepticism towards his majesty, it’s as if those reasons would alter the fact that I wasn’t just part of that huge crowd who happened to be on the same boat which made him won the Presidential Candidacy. Hence, I’m officially giving him the benefit of the doubt. I rarely do this but now I’m settling with what ifs and maybes. What if he’ll make a good President? Then maybe the Philippines would be a better place? Who knows? Well nobody really knows.

Although it has been repeatedly stated that a country doesn’t only need a good governance but also good people who are willing to lend a hand. However, a good and honest governance, still, has an impetuous impact that resonates to the society as a whole. A ship needs the best captain like an airplane needs a careful pilot. A family needs responsible parents like a nation needs excellent and good governance.

We have the worst of worst typhoon channel but the best summer destination at the same time. Graced with a great number of population but still, always a happy people! With heart as big as its oceans and soul as beautiful as its sunsets… Philippines would still be Philippines! No doubt about that but in this grueling and globally competitive race…

… Is Philippines going to make it up high with the yellow lace?!

My mind SHOUTS!

2010-07-20T06:40:00.000-07:00

Wherever the good Lord leads me to, I just pray He'll pick me up after I fall. June 14, 2009 at 7:01pm

It's when you want to risk and the people around you just won't then it gets totally frustrating. I swear.

June 15, 2009 at 5:37pm

No matter how you love what you do if it's meant to stop then it will.

June 16, 2009 at 2:05pm

The crazy thing about wishing for tomorrow is dreaming of the past when you get there.

June 17, 2009 at 11:04am

Between the devil and the deep blue sea, I chose to swim. Little did I know the devil knows how to swim too.

June 24, 2009 at 8:42pm

If you feel like your decision will bear no good sometimes it's better to just leave it behind and run away.

June 24, 2009 at 9:32pm

Moving on but memories will be forever treasured.

June 30, 2009 at 11:22am

When all is said and done you're left with no choice but to wait for the outcome.

July 23, 2009 at 1:49pm

It just came to a point where I ran out of words to write... Suddenly, I just stopped.

August 11, 2009 at 2:49pm

Life goes on. People change but good memories remain forever.

August 19, 2009 at 7:47am

You may not know but I used to quietly stare at your face while you were sleeping - now I still do except that I close my eyes just to see you.

August 19, 2009 at 9:02pm

It's when two ideas don't meet… friction begins… collision happens.

August 26, 2009 at 8:49pm

It was the first time a patient died in my very own hands. Since student days I never experienced it. Well I guess we all have our first times. I just had mine and the feeling was heartbreaking.

September 26, 2009 at 10:56pm

It always begins with impossibility and then we move forward to realize things.

October 27, 2009 at 8:05pm

Drunk people are way too honest. Wanna have a slap of reality? Talk to one!

November 22, 2009 at 9:52am

There are people out there who are just cynical but that doesn't mean we don't have to listen to them. We just have stand on our own perspectives!

December 19, 2009 at 12:56am

I know I'm gonna have it. One day happiness will go knocking on my door! For now, I'll work hard for it.

January 13 at 12:59am

Someday all the things that I grumble about, frown about, anxious about and most of all sacrifice about... someday these are all gonna make sense.

January 21 at 3:56pm

If I have the power to control time and space, I'd bring 'some' of the doctors to their elementary days and make them pay attention more on their handwriting!

January 28 at 2:29pm

I’m glad the world never runs out of love songs!

February 6 at 8:49pm

I thought I ran out of hope but what I didn't know… it was running for me the whole time and now that it caught me, I couldn't be any happier!

February 21 at 7:53pm

When everyone's tired, I just hate the feeling when I can't get tired myself! I have that right too!!!

February 26 at 8:02pm

Someday is such a lonely word.

February 28 at 3:09pm

I'm startin' a new life. A remake of what could have been a happy one. I'll try harder to smile amidst the turmoil of life. It's gonna be a long run and I'll start it with a smile.

March 7 at 5:39pm

Happiness… after all is a choice.

March 14 at 6:22pm

It's a battlefield out there…

March 19 at 7:33pm

…and it's a great relief to finally let go and just fall.

March 21 at 1:33pm

I think it all starts with forgiveness. Forgive yourself. Forgive the people who may have consciously or unconsciously hurt you. Forgiveness is the very first step of moving on.

March 21 at 8:30pm

Tomorrow’s a new day and I’ll face it with a smile!

March 23 at 8:23pm

There are those that leave you behind then there are those who stick up even in the worst scenario. Thanks for those who stayed behind and believed in the very essence of the word friendship!

March 28 at 9:14pm

Real good friends who'll walk with u when you’re super drunk, who'll bathe you when you already can't, help u change your clothes, and clean up the mess when you've puked on the bed sheet. REAL GOOD FRIENDS who'll pick you up when both love and alcohol let u hit the ground. - I'm blessed. I'm thankful.

April 18 at 7:48pm

We're clinging on to miracles and I believe they do happen. God be our guide.

May 2 at 10:26pm

Sometimes when you're long lost, it's good not to be found.

May 15 at 12:48am

Reality check: never depend yourself to anyone. They just come and go.

May 23 at 3:51pm

Be thankful for delays for it will serve a purpose.

June 2 at 10:20pm

There’s too much chaos, hatred, and animosity in this world. Why not keep it simple? Let's love one another.

June 8 at 1:01am

The people you know best are the ones most capable of surprising you.

June 13 at 11:47pm

Thing with writers is… they never die.

June 20 at 11:03pm

Sometimes we have to always think on possibilities so we won't get brutally surprised.

June 24 at 3:53pm

Somehow the most silent sound is the loudest and that sometimes compared to beating words sting more.

July 6 at 2:33am

The most painful part of losing someone is that particular time when the rest has moved on and you're left with no choice but to face it all alone.

July 6 at 7:04pm

When truth is validated that's when reality comes in.

July 7 at 1:36pm

If I were to pile all the pieces every time my heart breaks, I'd make a good fire wall.

July 8 at 8:39pm

There's something about the future that's so mystical. Each time you feel like everything's falling at their right places, you'll just wake up one morning feeling lost… again.

July 19 at 7:00pm

True Friendship… As “I” know it.

2010-06-09T04:28:00.000-07:00

I am blessed with a lot of friends in my life. I’ve met them along my journey in this crazy world of mine. Most of them just come and go but that didn’t mean they’re less of a friend for not staying. As I’ve always said, “Once a friend, always a friend!” Nevertheless, a handful of them made an effort (as I also did) to stay amidst life’s diversity and God always knew how I truly appreciated it. As I’ve travelled through life, I’ve came across a myriad of friends. Being flexible, I would like to believe, has been one of my greatest strength as a person. I can easily blend in and I perfectly don’t know why. But from what I’ve known, it taught me many things. It deepened my understanding in the word friendship. True enough, I realized that my friends are like a box of 64 crayola in it with different colors, unique personalities, distinctive beauty and attitude but “equally” important to me.

So here are the few things I learned along the way with my friends:

You always take time to LISTEN. It’s a common flaw that most of us, most often than not, talk instead of listening. Yep, talking can be a whole lot of fun! Who doesn’t love the chitchats? But at one point in time, we ought to listen to our friends. For only in listening we get to fully understand a person. This is a tough challenge for talkative people (oopps! like me!hehe) but you just have to realize that the spotlight isn’t always on you. That’s life. Take it or leave it? It’s up to you.

FRIEND: not your boyfriend/girlfriend. When friends get too close with each other, they sometimes forget the thin line separating between friendship and a romantic relationship. Yes! For hell’s sake! They’re not your girl/boyfriend so be very careful not to cross the line. Being possessive is quite normal but take time to reflect that your friends, like you, have a life of their own. You may be part of their world but always go back to reality… you are not their world.

I like this… My friend should like this too. It’s not a must that you should always have the same likes and decisions. If they contradict your standpoints so be it but that doesn’t mean they’re not your friends anymore. It would boil down again to the mere fact that the word “individuality” should be highly respected. Friends, like any other relationship, have to agree and disagree but should always meet somewhere in the middle. Meeting them halfway is a concrete evidence that you, as a friend, understand them thoroughly.

Can I be honest with you? Sadly, reality stings and it bites like hell. The more it pisses me off when a judgment is coming from a mere stranger. Who the hell do you think you are?! You don’t know me you son of a female dog!! And so my ranting goes on and on. But when a friend, who knows me right down to the very dead toenail I have, speaks up and directly tells me the not so good side of me. I shut up and reflect. Coming from a friend? Well, that must be really something. Yes, it would hurt a much deeper intensity but hating your friend or thinking that your friend is just envious and would just like to put you down will do no good. Your friend is being honest and you know it within the tiniest cell you have that he/she was telling truth. You should be thankful then for a friend confronted you instead of backbiting. Now it’s entirely up to you if you will do something about it. A friend just did his/her job… now what about you?

Believe me, it hurts too. There are times when you feel like, “Shit, they’re picking on me again.” The feeling where the whole group throws a joke on you and all of them are simultaneously laughing at the top of their lungs and you’re left with no choice but to laugh with them (yet hurt inside). Yes, friends do toss jokes on each other once in a while and as long as it doesn’t go below the belt, what’s the big fuss? It’s called humor my friend. And if you get to be so sensitive over nonsense craps, believe me, you’re causing the same pain to your friend. Asking why? Well, you’re friend is thinking that you aren’t that close as he/she might think. Close friends joke around and it stings when at the end of all the laughter someone walks out. It just goes to show that you aren’t on the same page all along. And trust me, that realization hurts more.

My friend’s friends. Our friends, most of the time, also have their own circle of friends which you don’t belong. You just have to realize that your friend also has his/her own journey in life. Hence, the friends your friend met along the way. There’s no point of thinking that your friend might has changed vastly or you simply can’t keep up with the lifestyle that he/she currently has. Think of it this way, things might change for better or worse but a true friend remains the same. You just have to believe in the sincerity of your friendship and t he rest will follow.

A friend makes not breaks. It’s crystal clear when an impending hiatus in friendship is taking over. It wouldn’t take a scientist to interpret such obvious matter. And when bridges are about to fall apart, what’s the best thing a friend can do to a friend? Simple. Don’t add fuel to the fire. Intend to pacify things instead of pushing them to their limits. Remember that the people involve are your friends and you are not watching a cockfight where one has to lose or win. These are real people and not roosters. Both are always at the losing end. Don’t take sides for it will only diversify things. Well, good thing about burned bridges is that it can always be rebuilt and you my friend can be a great tool. You just have to be there with your mind kept open.

And sometimes it’s not even needed. There are times when a friend commits mistake and consciously or unconsciously offends you in any way. Like what they always say, “Xenxa na, tao lang po!” Yes, to err has been making all of us human and when a friend deeply offended you, get angry because it’s your freewill. Find a place to recollect and weigh things up. Is that mistake enough for you to give up the friendship that the both of you have been taking care for the longest time? Are your friends’ sacrifices for you back then are too little compared to that offensive act? Think… because sometimes the word sorry is not even needed. Sometimes coffee or shopping will do the trick and all would be just fine.

A good friend remembers. And I’m not talking about birthdays or any other special occasions because those are dates and many aren’t just excellent when it comes to dates. What I’m referring to are the moments (good or bad) you’ve spent with your friend. The very first day you were acquainted with each other. The most stupid things that you both did though these things are just mere funny memories now. The tears your friend wiped on your face from your first heart break. The most challenging exams that went effortless just because your friend was around. The chitchats inside the library … the cheap-in2x thing so all the empty stomach will be filled… or from all the, “pletehi sa ko ha, akoi plete nimo sunod!” These are the simple things a good friend never forgets. These are the memories you would never trade in for anything in this world.

It needs cultivation. Like any other relationship, it needs a conscious effort to make it grow and to never let it die. Top on the list is communication. In our world of technological advancements, it’s a big question why you can’t drop a single hi or hello. True, you can’t expect to let all of your friends to stay. Fact of the matter is they all don’t. But as long as you intend to communicate, the friendship lives on. You might not see each other for ages but who cares? Facebook, Yahoo Messenger, Skype, and Twitter are all just there and who knows what advancements will happen in the future. For now, let’s keep it simple and love one another!

Writing, again

2010-05-26T03:37:00.000-07:00

…and I’m writing again. As promised.

What took me so long?

I honestly don’t know.

From what I’ve known, writing was never my cup of tea. I’ve only written essays back at high school when English teachers gave essay as assignment or seatwork. And for me (from someone who hated doing assignments), it was a total agony, most specially when directed to have it not less than 300 or 400 words. To put it in a nutshell, I never enjoyed writing. I reckoned I was never born with it. It wasn’t innate from me. I saw writing as a mere academic requirement. No more, no less.

Well not until I reached my senior year at High School. That fateful year wherein I first broke my heart (okay, I’m getting mushy now!haha). But seriously, it was my first time to ever encounter such extraneous feeling. An intensified sensation I never knew it can also occur to me. It was a feeling so foreign, so strong that I made writing as the only escape I’ve got. It took me by surprise but that was when I started writing. Writing not because you have to submit it the next day, not because you were urged to win a competition, and certainly not because you were just after for praises and attention. It was writing because you wanted to tell your own story... or you just want to be heard and listen to yourself at the same time. It became writing and learning intertwined.

As I’ve written my daily experiences in a journal, I realized that my writings have grown with me too. My thoughts have widen its horizons and extended its inclusion not only to me but to the things that were happening around and to the people who were closest to me as well. I gradually grasped the idea that expression didn’t necessarily mean ME as the subject all the time. I learned telling stories (may it be in article or poem) from a friend’s experiences or from a mere stranger I met along the pavements. By doing such things, I discovered that writing was a great tool in understanding the life and world that we were settled in. Asking why? In writing, I’ve realized that it took me a lot of internalization before I can even begin with the first paragraph. And when I do internalization, that’s when I have to place my foot in one of my subject’s shoe. This part was the hardest for me and it is up to now but this part had also given me bountiful experiences I never imagined.

Writing… I never had writing on a silver platter. Moreover, it never occurred to me overnight. I never had a formal training on this maybe that’s why I usually flunk when it comes to writing’s technicalities. I do admit that my writing ability is still a work in progress. I am learning and I continually learn each day. I’d be blunt enough to say that I didn’t consider writing as one of my gifts but I have always loved the feeling it has been giving me for the past seven years of my life. That sense of fulfillment whenever I’ve done one piece of article… that joy I felt whenever I re-read those blogs I’ve made over the years… and the smile written on my face each time I visit every personal experiences that has been so well documented. And now that I'm back to writing, I couldn't be any happier.

And there lies the artistic beauty of writing…

You don’t always have to be right, you just have to be yourself.

JMECJ

2010-02-19T18:01:00.000-08:00

Last night, I was scanning old notes hoping that I'd find the GORDON's questionnaire I'll be usin' in our CaseCon back at the institution where I am training.. to my surprise, I found a small, old notebook where I used to write my shout outs (yes, wa pa nauso ang twitter og fb ani nga time..hehe) and journals four years ago.. There are a lot of entries there but what caught my attention was the entry about me describing four of my closest friends back at college..

We used to name ourselves GMECJ (G for Gelai, M for Marimee, E for Eden, C for Conz, J for Jasmine).. Well not until "G"elai demanded that her nickname should be spelled as "J"elai that's wen it turned out to be JMECJ.. the group name we tagged to ourselves..

For years ago, dated January 19, 2006, I wrote an entry to one of my journal notebooks (I never really filled up an entire notebook with journal entries.. may lang ko sa sugod..haha) about these lovely creatures. And I'm tagging them in this note, hoping they'll also smile the way I did while reading this entry after four long years.. hehe

so here it goes!

JASMINE aka min2x, balang, ge
Sensya na min ky di jd ko kasleep so suwat na lang ko about nimo. C jasmine baw! Cya ang bright sa grupo, ang savior sa Physics class!hehe Tabi-an! As in super.. She can fly you to the moon with all her never ending stories!!! Of course.. refine??.. huh? refine sugar??haha Bu-hak2x kay ni mo.da og katawa.. Well, hopeless romantic kaau ni.. Kung ma in love todo.. Pero kung di na, di na sad.. tinood? Talented pud ni xa.. Maau mo guitar.. nindot og tingog xempre! One thing that always makes her cry is about fam matters.. Well, kita man cguro tanan weak dha nga side.. Unsa pa ha.. hmmm.. C jasmine akong kahilakan pirmi! I guess twice?! Dili cya akong hilakan but akong probz..haha and take note, iyang panyo akong gamiton.. wehehehe! Well to make the story short, cya usa ka nindot nga amiga! and I'm very blessed for having her in my life.. love you min!!!

GELIDEE aka "Jelai"
Gelidee.. sounds like Jollibee noh?!hehe well, tinood jd c Jelai ang mascot sa grupo.. I think the group would be very boring without her.. she always cracks jokes nga makatabang pud whenever we've got problems.. tabi.an pud ni xa.. og feminine kaau mo.da og katawa.. mora lang go'g di taga Pasil..hehe! Maau sad ni xa mokanta morag c K-brosas (matod pang tyay)!hehe In fairness, nindot baya ni xa mo.da og tambag.. as in morag c ate charo.. and the best talent ani niya kay mao ang pag declaim! Grabeh! Everbody jz loves it! Most especially c Sir Marcelino..hehe joke!haha C Jelai I think ang pinaka responsible sa balay.. grabeh ni maka.da og laba.. best in washing gud ni xa!! C Jelai wen in love? Otro pung hopeless romantic!!! Kalit lang og hilak kay wa jd daw manguyab niya at her age ayt now..hehe! Gelang Gels.. maabot ra lage na! C ms. or mr. right?hahaha Well, like min2x ma.problema pud ni xa sa iyang fam.. Also, I am very thankful that God has given me a friend like Jelai! School days of laughters and joys wouldn't be possible without Jelai.. Love u Gelz!

MARIMEE aka Tyay, Mame
C Tyay baw! Di ni xa ganahan magpatawag og Tyay especialy if naa'y boys.. it shud be marimee but sori 'yay.. I love to call you that way!hehe! So kini xa! Pinaka.isog! Isog nga hemi! Dali ra kaau mo hilak.. emotional kaau.. Esp. sa fam matters.. mao sad ni xa pinaka.sexy nakwangan lang jd og height..pero nabagay ra man pud.. small and petite! Naa sad ni xay hidden talent nga mao ang pag.drawing.. ayos kaau! Og super idol kaau niya c maraia carey?! ngee wrong spelling yay? sowy.. bzta mao na iya super idol.. og kapuso ni xa ever!! di na lang ko mo lalis ani niya!hehe C tyay, di ni xa ganahan mgpatawag og gwapa xa.. iya jd nang hilakan.. grabhe d kuno lage xa gwapa nya daghan ky og boylets maglibog lang ta kinsa juy TL ani niya tungod sa kadaghan.. Si kinsa man jd 'yay? Well so much for that, I'm also glad I bumped into dz person and eventually became her close friend.. thank you so much mame! For everything.. love you yay!!!

EDEN aka koudelka, den
C Eden baw! Cya ang Giraffe sa grupo! Pang model ang height.. that's y xa ang pinaka head turner sa tanan! Fashionista sad ni xa.. plus factor nganong mangahiwi ang liog sa mga taw..hehe! Nya limpyada kay ni.. grabeh ka organized, super! Ultimo ang plato after we eat limpyo.. well, pa.seksi2x lang ni babayhana ni pero kargador kay ni moda og kaon!hehe Ang talent ni eden mao ang pag.modeling! Actually, freelancer man ni xa nga model.. og creative sad ni xa.. bzta mga project2x gani.. mangau jd dayn mi help ni eden!! Ma. in love? hu? Pati-koy2x..hehe! Honestly, she's not the showy type.. mora ni xag may sariling mundo.. kiligon ra og iya.. in short, masekreto! but sometimes mo share pud ni xa pag dili na jd kaya.. she owys keeps her feelings inside.. sa grupo xa pa akong wa nakit.an nga mohilak.. tough girl! but I know when she's alone diha nana xa mo hilak.. well, dats ur way gurl! Of course, I'm thankful I met dz gurl and we became close friends! Love u den!

JMECJ.. while reading this old journal entry.. I realized one thing.. We've changed a lot.. into a more strong and matured individuals.. I'm proud we have kept the friendship all these years.. We may not see each other as often as before but we know in our hearts we'll treasure this for a lifetime!

Life's close enough to perfection when im wit these creatures!!! (caption from friendster..hehe)

The Sarah Geronimo Experience!

2009-08-01T01:56:00.000-07:00

It was one of my life's experiences that I would never trade in for anything. Seeing Sarah Geronimo perform live was just simply amazing.. my feeling as a certified fan was surreal.. I can't believe that she was indeed singing right in front of my very eyes... waaaaahhh!! I couldn't help but scream..

There's just something weird about Sarah (or maybe that's just me) 'coz her aura was like oozing and there's no way that you can't feel it. She's effortless and she's not pretentious at all. She moved and talked like a normal person does but there's something in her.. I was like bewitched that night!haha.. I admit that she was not the type of beauty that will really take your breath away but there was more to Sarah Geronimo than meets the eye.. I can tell (even if I'm meters away from her) that she has a pure soul.. so genuine I can even feel it under my skin.

As I was trying to document that very special night, I brought my camera (Canon A530) with me. I was thinking that I can take pictures and show to this whole wide world that "HEY! I've been to Sarah Geronimo's Concert.. I was freakin' there!" But to my disappointment, my darn camera didn't have enough power to zoom out and take a clear picture of Sarah. It simply ended my plans to document every single number she would have.

See??haha and that would be Sarah standing on that stage singing her latest single "Dahil Minahal Mo Ako"... and that sadly, was the best zoom my camera ever offered! Sucks right?

Anyway, instead of grumbling about my poor camera I reckoned there's a reason behind it. I realize that I should leave the documentation part to other fans who brought a nicer camera. I can always visit youtube for the concert's footage..hehe Because I had less time for picture2x, I paid an increased attention to how Sarah performed on stage. And blimey!! She's unbelievable. Her voice was like tape recorded 'coz there's no difference between her voice in Cd's when she sang her songs that night.. Her dance routines are very energetic.. She's a pro!

She really interpreted her songs so well. My favorite part was when she sang Louie Ocampo's medley of songs.. Dang! I felt the pain when she sang "Tell Me".. Her voice made me shiver.. and as what my sit mate (whoever she was!haha) said, "Namarog jd akong balhibo". Indeed, she's definitely different in her live performances! Weeeeew!

I took these pictures during the encore run wherein she sang her hit song "Sa Iyo". The crowd was unbelievable. They flocked right just in front of the stage and were trying to take last pictures of Sarah G. before she'd left the stage. I was there.. and I was unbelievable too!haha

I love Sarah G. and after I watched her live? I idolized her even more. She's one kind of a heck star.. still grounded despite her countless achievements today. The night was worth it.. worth my time and penny! After all, it's never too bad to become a fan..it's fun!

The Harlequin

2009-03-25T23:53:00.000-07:00

THE HARLEQUIN

By: Conz6th

They called him the harlequin

Many thought he didn’t know how to frown

His life was full of jokes, antics and funny acts

When he did those old tricks in a circus

Everyone can’t help but laughed and be amused

He always wore that flawless smile

Lived a seemingly perfect life

But no one in the world had the tinge of idea

That he was a man with a happy face

But with a burdened soul

The curving of his mouth, he never faked

As much as real when he cried at the backstage

Oh Yes! Believe it or not, he shed tears

And no one was there to comfort him

He seemed to be fine, all because of his grin

Ironically, he then forgot how to smile

Funny how a clown failed to remember

A very simple reflex of laughing

Funny how it suddenly slipped in his mind

That all expected him to be the harlequin

After that festive mode inside the carnival

When all the laughs of mirth and delight

Have turned into an extremely loud silence

The clown then decided to go home

Inside that poor lighted box he thought he belonged

He was fated to make everybody happy

But was cursed to live life in contrast to what he does best

The only person who gave what he didn’t have

And who rarely got what he truly deserved

The master entertainer… he was the harlequin.

Turned 21

2009-03-15T08:15:00.000-07:00

I just turned 21 last Wednesday, March 11, 2009. One year older and one year younger at heart!haha But seriously, this "adulthood" thing scares me a bit. You just don't turn a year older and that's it! Of course the society expects a lot from you. It expects you to be more responsible as an adult citizen. Your family also expects you to be more matured in dealing with things that you used to throw tantrums on. My brother from Dubai called me up and greeted me a happy birthday. He jested me with my age and said that I'm not a teenager anymore!haha And that kind of rang a bell.. hey boy! welcome to the world of adulthood!

I do admit that it feels great to be an adult. You go home late and you don't get yelled for doing so. You get to go in far places without fearing from being grounded when you arrive home. You already have your own money (the one you worked hard for) simply because a certain employer trusts you a lot by giving you a job. You get to have your own share of help in the family and trust me, the feeling is marvelous! Most of all, you get to choose what you think is best for you though others may object but the best thing about it is that you can now fight what you truly think is right.

But what gives me cold feet about turning a year older? It's the responsibilities that are also growing up along with me. It's the fact that it's not already wise to mess around 'coz unlike Benjamin Button, I grow older each day. I also fear losing grip on my own dreams and the person that I want to be in future. And it gets harder when certain things arise and you're left with no choice but to sacrifice. Yes, it's true! At this point of my life, choice is a privilege but it creeps me out in a way. I worry about choosing the wrong moves and end up living my life with what ifs and what could have beens.

I just turned 21 and that's just two years apart from being a teenager but then again it's two years distant from being twenty-four. I can never say if I matured or what because I still have that foolish and unruly side of me (or maybe it's already part of me). As of now, I feel like I'm only given two options: be irresponsible or responsible? And I want to choose the latter. Like what they say, "Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional".

Chillin' @ Mt. View

2009-03-08T03:33:00.000-07:00

February 28, 2009

Mountain View Nature' s Park, Cebu

The place was cold as ever but it didn't hinder us from enjoying the moment. Mt. View was really cool at night! The panoramic view was superb. The place and the friends I was with were both amazing! That night was full of laughters and reminiscing - our High school life and our classmates back then.

Looking at the pics, I realized that our friendship have really came a long way. But it's nice to know that we have maintained that special and sincere friendship even if we barely see each other now. I really appreciate the thought of still having them as my friends up until now. These people are my closest peers back at High School but our friendship didn't end at graduation day. We may not see each other as often as before but we know in our hearts that we're keeping the friendship for the rest of our lives!

Goodbye

2009-02-23T20:13:00.000-08:00

Goodbye
By: Conz6th

Was I sleeping when you left?
Or wide awake but just didn’t mind
Were you feeling the same thing?
‘coz when I heard you locked the door
My heart was shattered on the floor

I was hoping you’d say goodbye
But you never uttered a single word
Not that I compelled you to do it
But I just needed something to hear
Regardless if I can still bear

Would it really matter?
And would it even change a single thing?
The saying of goodbyes and see you again
All of those could only mean the same
When you left, I was in pain

But how could you go
Without even saying so
And how can you leave
When I’m starting to believe
That there’s a chance for you and me

I guess you know me better
That I hated farewell and goodbyes
I bet you don’t want to see tears falling
To see me once again breaking
I closed my eyes, you went away

Now I’m left alone on my bed
Hugging this pillow, smelling your scent
Now that we’re oceans apart
No one can ever mend this broken heart
I opened my eyes… and then you’re gone.

I Just Need Time

2009-02-22T07:18:00.000-08:00

I'm still not okay. I may be recuperating in so many ways but I'm still not okay. The wounds may have disappeared but the scars are still there. I'm a keloid-former and so is my heart. The rate of my pain may have grown gradually less but it never subsided. I already told you so many times that I'm not so good with movin' on. Aside from doing math, it's one of the things I struggle dealing with. I may be smiling a lot but I bet you will never understand why I still frown inside. I still hope and I wonder why I still do! Maybe because I loved you so much that it wrecked my brain until it lost its capacity to think clearly.. to choose wisely.. and to decide fairly. Do you think I'm over you? I also thought. Do you think I'm back to my senses? I just wish I am. Do you think I already regained my strength? I usually pretend I did.

Funny how a minute span of 2 weeks affect my life up until now. But I still believe that I just need time. I did promise you. I'll look after you when I'm fine. I'll search you anywhere. I'm still holding on to what I said - "I still wanna keep you as my friend" but not now.. Give me more time to regain everything (though I think it's impossible). Anyway, thank you so much for still believing in our friendship. As of now, I'm doing better each day. I'm a work in progress. I'm doing good but I'm still not the best of me. Soon.. very soon.. I'll be there.

Denise and Sam: Au Revoir!

2009-02-22T00:06:00.000-08:00

February 20, 2009

: Kuya Sam and Denise

I never really liked the thought of saying Goodbyes. But people find their own ways and they've got their own life too.. it sucks! But that's reality. Last friday, I bade farewell to two of my closest friends at the office. As expected, I didn't like the thought of it. Denise was my very first friend at Accenture. I really can say that we had the same wavelength so it wasn't really hard to befriend her afterall. Kuya Sam was like the kuya!haha Me and some of my other officemates used to jest him about his age! Well, it's not that he's too old.. but he's the most Kuya in the group!hehe Seriously, I'll miss both of them.

: at the Yo-U

After office, we went to Yo-U (at mango1) and celebrated our so-called "Farewell Party" for Denise and Kuya Sam. I actually got more close to both of them 'coz we were classmates at our "tagay sessions" haha! That night was so memorable 'coz the whole class list was there (except for Tin2x who resigned a week earlier). I supposed it was the last night to drink beer with the whole gang but I still hoped it wasn't. Aside from beer, that night was flooded with memories and reminiscing! Our early days at the company and our first impressions toward each other.

To Denise and Kuya Sam,

I didn't like the idea of you guys leaving but I'm also too proud for the both of you! You guys are very courageous to follow your hearts. Somehow, God had His own beautiful reasons why He crossed our paths. And I couldn't be thankful enough to have a friends like you. Rest assured, all memories will be cherished and bear in mind that once a friend, always a friend!

So long my friends! Au Revoir!!!

The Love of Siam

2009-02-08T04:12:00.000-08:00

: Official Movie Poster

From the look of it, one would really think that this movie is another chick flick or a teenybooper perhaps! Well, that's what I thought at first. Last night, I was surfin' youtube and came across the trailer of this Thai movie entitled "The Love of Siam". Again, the trailer (like its poster), seemed to be your another "kilig-to-the-max" teen show. I even thought of it as an Asian version for "High School Musical" but after watching the movie, I was darn wrong!!! There was more to this movie than meets the eye . Unlike any other teen shows wherein the story only revolves around their blossoming romance and how the chase of a boy to a girl excites the viewers - this movie was entirely different. It touched a lot of aspects relating to our present society. It reflected the struggles of a young love and self-identification through discovering oneself. This movie also showed how important a family plays in molding a character of a certain person.

If you have nothing to do (like me last night!) or you simply want some movie trippin' then I suggest this one. I swear your 3hrs will be worth it and you can even end up asking for more! (a sequel for the movie perhaps??hehe)

PRECAUTION: Entries below may contain lots of spoilers. You have every right to continue reading but personally, I encourage you to watch the movie first. Here's the link: "The Love of Siam"

: this movie garnered lots of awards as well

Ooopps!.. so you opted to continue reading?! Fine! Just enjoy reading regarding the story's characters, scenes, and the way it was delivered.

The Characters: (amazing creation..kudos to the writers)

Tong and Mew - The grew up together as childhood bestfriends! But they separated ways during grade school. Tong's family (which used to be very perfect) encountered a huge obstacle when Tang (Tong's sister) didn't go home from a trip with her friends. That problem caused Tong's family to move into another place. They were already in their Seniors (HS) when Tong and Mew met again. Mew then realized that he had this special feelings for his childhood bestfriend. Tong, on the other hand, was having tough decisions on choosing what he really wanted for himself because by then, he too, was falling for his bestfriend.
Sunee (Tong's mom)- You will definitely adore her character. You can just imagine a wife who's struggling to fight and stand for her failing marriage and family. You can really taste the pain each time she tries to be strong but in reality, inside she's breaking. Imagine having a son who's about to take an unlikely path (by choosing to be a gay) and having a husband who's depression led to being an alcoholic.
KoRn (Tong's father) - He lost the will to live when his daughter Tang never went back home. He used alcohol as a way to escape the sad reality of life. From drinking too much alcohol, he developed Liver problems which also added burden to her wife.
Tang/June - June is the manager of Mew's band. She really looked like Tong's lost sister that's why she was offered to do the job of acting as Tang just to make Tong's father inspired with life again.
Ying - Mew's neighbor who is head over heels for him to the extent of acting like a stalker. Later on, she realized that Mew is a gay and that he is in love with his bestfriend.
Donut - Tong's on and off girlfriend.

My Favorite Scenes (well thought of..)

1. I liked that part when (during childhood days) Tong and Mew were lying on the same bed and about to sleep. Mew realized that Tong was crying (bec. of her sister) and so he reached out and held Tong's hand. It was so innocent and pure.

2. I appreciate the puzzle way of giving gifts.

3. This one struck me the most. The scene wherein Tong's mom was preparing the christmas tree and he chose to help. Tong acted silly by asking her mom again and again on what he should place at the middle of the christmas tree, a boy or a girl doll? He also told his mom that he is afraid to make choices because it might upset her again. Her mom was touched and replied by saying that he should choose the one that can make him happy - he then chose to place the boy doll.

4. The Kissing part!!! Waaaahhhh! They acted so in love! To think they are just teen agers in real life but then they gave out a very deep acting! (Kudos to both of them and the director!). I also liked the way Tong's mother reacted when she saw the kissing part. It was very realistic!

5. When Tong's parents reconciled! It was such a tear jerker!!!

6. Last part of the movie, when Ying and Tong was watching Mew performing on stage at Siam Square. Ying stared at Tong's face that was so fond of watching Mew singing. Another one was when they joined the crowd (holding hands) to get closer to the stage, Ying suddenly let go of Tong's hand and walked away. It was Ying's subtle way of letting go Mew.

7. Lastly, when Tong gave Mew his christmas present. The missing nose of the wooden puppet which Tong gave Mew when they were just kids. That scene was very touching!

To sum it up, the movie was really great! I enjoyed it.. surpassing my mere expectations. I salute the makers of this film! Magnifico!

Julienne Leigh Conde-Valete

2009-02-08T04:07:00.000-08:00

: when she was jz 3 days old!

She's the newest source of our happiness. She's Julienne Leigh Conde-Valete. My first niece ever!!! (so proud to be an uncle now huh??!hehe) My eldest sister gave birth (via NSVD) to a healthy bouncing baby girl last January 21, 2009 at 5:19pm in Cebu Maternity House. Everyone was just so excited to welcome Leigh as the newest member of our family! Indeed, it felt great to have a new baby at home.

: cute Lil' Leigh

It's true that a baby is a wonderful gift from the heavens! And we are so thankful for having blessed with a cute little baby. Leigh's presence is like a luminous light that brightens up every single space of our home. Truly, a baby is a symbol of hope, life, and love!

When do we say it’s ENOUGH?!!

2009-01-30T00:00:00.000-08:00

When can we say that we have given much? Will we ever ascertain a point or phase wherein we can say that we already helped and that’s it! It’s already our fair share. But really, how do we define HELPING? Do we help to some extent or extend our hands all the way? I’m quite confused with all these helping stuffs. Does it make me a bad person if I intentionally halt helping someone ‘coz I think I already have given my best? Does it make me cruel if I think first of my family’s sake?

Helping other people, most especially in their greatest time of need, is a great privilege. My mom kept telling me that it’s better if you’ll be the one helping rather than being the one seeking for help. Yup, it made sense to me. We should be thankful and proud if we’re helping someone ‘coz that only means that we’re capable of sharing a part of us regardless if it would payoff or not. But is there such thing as rules and regulations when it comes to helping? Is there any limitation at all? What type of help weighs more – financial, emotional, or prayers? Or would it even matter? In my 20 years of existence, I have encountered different sort of situations wherein I needed to help and I needed some help. It felt good when you’re helped but it’s a different kind of feeling when you are able to reach out and lend a helping hand.

Who should we help then? Is it even right to choose people that we should help? From a young adult’s perspective, I say that it’s so much better to help someone who’s also helping himself. One reason why many of us hesitate to help because this makes the person very dependent on us. That person may even do nothing to improve his life because he thinks that there will always be a certain person where he can turn to (ready and always available). Instead of helping, we end up contributing some points in messing up his life. I think it’s better to help a person who is also willing to change and help himself. There is no use whatever trying to help people who do not help themselves. You cannot push anyone up a ladder unless he’ll be willing to climb himself. Lastly, it would be heartwarming to look at a person who has become a self-reliant individual because you shared to him how to stand up like a real man.

When is it considered to be less or more? Is there such a tool that can measure the amount of help that we have given? They say that it’s not good to share something just because it’s abundant or we have much that’s why we share. When we share a part of us then that usually includes sacrificing something we value. I’m really okay with that thought. We can only give what we have, right? Now, this one makes my understanding of helping a little bit blurry. How do we know that we’re sharing just enough for us not to be the one needing in the end? Is helping really that critical? Worse comes to worst, we can end up broke and needy if we won’t combine helping with thinking.

Are we doomed if we refuse to help? Or are we gonna be saints for being so selfless? The risk of helping and the remarkable feeling each time we help – two opposing factors that we should take into consideration each time we lend our hand. We are human and we coexist in this very small world. We give help as we also need help. Now, am I condemned if ask this question, “When can I say ENOUGH?!!”.

The Year That Was..

2009-01-29T19:45:00.000-08:00

It took a long time for me to write another entry for my blog. I was just so busy these past few days. Aside from the stressful days at work, I also have to deal with a lot of reporting in my master's classes (4 consecutive reports! How is that???). I really wouldn't like to mention certain problems at home but it really counts though! Certainly, it adds up a lot of stress (don't worry I'm not yet gonna explode!hehe). Indeed, this New Year welcomed me with a blast! Anyhow (enough of that stressful events!), I'm gonna talk about the year that passed. Okay, I know I'm 29 days late ‘coz I should have been writing these stuffs earlier on January but then again it's still January (first month of the year!) and last Monday the Chinese folks just celebrated their "Kung hei fat choi" so I think I'm not that late!haha

Anyways, I'm going to sort of recap some great things that happened to me last year 2008! I know it's not good to linger on our past but this one is just reviewing! Reflecting to some of the greatest lessons I learned in that year alone.

Graduating from Nursing - It's tough. Looking back, I still can say that it wasn't really easy to finish a degree (especially nursing!). It took a lot of sweat, tears, and blood intertwined just to march on that stage and receive my diploma. But seeing my parents' faces that day, I knew I must have done something really good to make them so proud!

Taking and Passing the Local board - Nerve-racking experience. It came to a point wherein you'll realize that your whole life depended in that one-shot-friggin'-exam! And that scared me the most. After getting the idea that I actually passed the exam? I sort of stoically digested reality. What now? Graduating and then Taking and Passing the Board. I just realized now, being a full pledged nurse is the toughest challenge!

Falling in love - It was amazingly beautiful to fall for someone. The feeling is just beyond anything. Now I learned, that falling is the sweetest part while hitting the ground if no one ever catches you is still the sweetest way to break yourself into pieces. Now the best part is you LOVE.. knowing how to LOVE is a gift itself.

Goodbyes - I said goodbye to a lot of friends back at college. I rarely see them now. Now I learned that people come and go! Well, that's the awful truth. Important thing is - I should always bear in mind that once a friend, always a friend! Time and space can't argue with that.

Hellos - It's a cycle of life. You bid goodbye to say hello! Last year, I found my first ever work in my entire life. It's non-nursing related but at least I was able to find a decent job. I met new friends and I'm enjoying my job so far.

New School - I enrolled at a graduate school. Cool classmates and incredible professors. My way of excusing myself from the guilt of having non-nursing related work. It actually helped me a lot to avoid losing my grip in nursing. Up to now, believe me, I still want to be a nurse!

Responsibilities - It's getting bigger and bigger. You have no choice but to embrace it with a smiling face ‘coz you don't want to be a useless crap in your family and in the society as well..

The year that passed is nothing but a mere memory now. But for me, it's one of the greatest years of my life. Success poured down on me as failures kept me to persevere in life. I found new friends as I regained lost friendships. The year that was so memorable I couldn't bear to forget. Right now, I'm just so thrilled what life has in store for me this year. I bet there'll be a lot of disappointments, frustrations, and failures but I'm sure there will also be triumphs and victory. Most of all, there'll be greater lessons that would help me to become a better person.

My December Affairs

2008-12-31T08:52:00.000-08:00

It's already dawn and my mind is still sooo awake. I'm currently having the urge to write anything. Anything as long as I can write. Anything that I can possibly extract from my brain. This is me.. when I feel the urge to write, even my tempting bed can't hinder me from doing so. So what's my subject now? No! Definitely not Marian!haha My avid readers (i dunno if there are) deserve more than that!hihi So I reckon, December (my december!) is quite interesting topic to delve in. And since today is December 31st which happens to be the last day of year 2008. I presume that it would great if I share how crazy, fun, and exciting my December 2008 has been.

December 12, 2008

CHRISTMAS PARTY (PCS - CEBU)

The party was far from being grandiose. It was very simple that it reminded me of my High school days wherein we used to have our party inside the four walls of our classroom. This time, we had our party at the seventh floor and improvised ample of things just to make the floor alluring to the eyes. What made it special was the fact that we enjoyed each other's company so much. After all, it's not the food or the venue that makes a party so special but it's the people whom you celebrate Christmas with!

: My PCS family

By the way, I hosted the party that night. It was tiring 'coz I had to stand up almost whole night but then it was worth it coz all enjoyed.

: Me and Ate Era (my co-emcee)

December 13, 2008

My golly! This day was unbelievably full packed with meals!haha I can't imagine the total amount of food I ingested just for that day. No wonder why I really can't convince myself to start on a diet maybe because December is such an interruption to that plan!haha but maybe, I'll gladly start next year if circumstances will allow!hehe Ok.. so here's my meal list for that wonderful day!

1. CASA VERDE

Me and my classmates (masters in CNU) decided that instead of throwing up a party inside the classroom which will only bring a lot of hassles, we preferred to have a lunch out. We chose Casa Verde since it's accessible from school (of course we still had a class after lunch). in fairness, the plan did turn out well. The food was simply superb and we really had a great bonding. I swear I could still hear our giggles and laughters while writing this haha!!

: Lunch at Casa Verde

2. CIT - Golden Gear Hotel

On the same date, our Thanksgiving Dinner (for passing the Board) came to a realization. I know, it took months before we had one..hehe But the important thing there was that we still had one and that alone is enough for us to be thankful to our college and alma mater. Anyways, me and my batchmates had our dinner at the newest CIT- Golden Gear Hotel. My golly! You should see their facilities and all. It was really amazing. If you guys have a friend or any relative who wants to take up HRM, CIT's newest course offered seems to be promising! (haha! nag-advertisement jd oks!)

: henry, kei, sepin, wyn, me, and eden

3. TRIPPING! (this one includes December 14, '08 already)

After our dinner at CIT, me and my college friends decided to find a place where we could really bond and catch up on each other since it's been quite some time already since we really had a good bonding! And so we decided to go and chill in a Videoke house at Paseo. The casting were Kei, Bars, Henry, Wyn, Te rodz, King2x, and me. We stayed there for a couple of hours and went out at around 12am. Indeed, we really had fun singing our hearts out loud.. and since we still don't wanna go home and we wanted to talk without the interfering sounds of Videoke machine, we decided to go to "Alberto's Pizza house" (another eating session, this time.. midnight snack!haha) I so swear! The pizza there was great (another advertisement from me!haha) But seriously, their Pizza amazingly tasted good considering the it's really cheaper compared to other Pizza houses! Anyways, good tasting pizza with a good talk with friends was never a bad idea at all! We enjoyed the whole time we were there!

After spending time at Alberto's, we decided to find a room (in a hotel perhaps) where we can continue our never ending conversations and just maybe rest there 'til the sun rises up but we failed to find one 'coz of our number!haha We were quite a number that time..hehe and so we continued looking up for a place (somewhere at Jones) where we can sit and just talk.. and talk until the dawn breaks! Until we found this 24-hour internet cafe near McDonalds (Jones) and there we lingered for a couple of hours until we decided to part ways...

To sum it up.. All I can say, wheeeew! Watta Day!!hihi

December 23, 2008

MAMA A's BIRTHDAY!

It was Mama Aning's Big Day!hehe We really didn't have any grand banquet for it..hihi but we bought her Cake and ice cream which added flavor for that night! My aunt's age wasn't so emphasized that night!haha We even placed a candle numbered 1 on her cake..hehe one for a fresh start! charing!haha Simple stuffs added with videoke and all were solved! then again, what matter the most are the people you celebrate with not the fancy superficial things!

: MaMa A

December 24-25, 2008

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2008

That Christmas was still Merry!hehe Though it seemed different compared to other years 'coz both of my parents weren't home to celebrate it with us. They're having there month long vacation at Dubai (at my sis and bro's place). But all in all, we still enjoyed our christmas! Manoy Ramsod, Uncle zoe, Allan, Lyn2x, Jerome (te chean's bf), shungo, tata Rjay, Ens and me had a "tagay".. and our official drink for the night?? TEQUILA!!haha Aside from the delicious foods Manang Mavs, Ate Mean, and Te Balot prepared, we also enjoyed singing videoke with our resident Diva - Lyn2x!haha To sum it up, indeed, it was still a Merry Christmas for us!!!

: Christmas 2008

Don't BULLsh*t us Marian!

2008-12-17T09:08:00.000-08:00

My gosh! I know this is so pathetic.. but I just can't help myself from doing this. So far this is my first ever blog entry that relates to local showbiz scene and maybe my cheapest entry ever!hehe So seriously guyzz, you really don't have to read this hehe! (this is just me, expressing my annoyance).

Before that, if you don't have any idea about this petty issue that has been circulating in the local scene for quite some time now, let me update you (but you really don't have to continue reading this if you're not interested..hehe). First, it has been published to different tabloids/magz/net sites for the past months that marian and dingdong, aside from their sweetness oncam as loveteam, have this "special" relationship offscreen but both parties have been denying that since the issue came up.

Next is the break up of Karyl-DingDong. Both has been a couple for about 3 yrs or so but a couple of months ago, Karyl and DingDong announced publicly that their relationship is finally over but they decided to keep the break up's real reason for themselves. But the media was left curious and so the culprit they pointed out? - Marian Rivera who was allegedly the main reason why the couple broke up. But still DingDong and Marian denied that issue.

Just recently, Karyl was welcomed at ASAP as the newest Kapamilya star. Her decision to transfer in the said network channel created a lot of noise leaving the media again at the height of their curiosity. But Karyl clarified that her decision to transfer was nothing but a mere career move. Last Sunday, Karyl was interviewed in the BUZZ (showbiz-oriented show) and was asked if she knew something about the alleged pregrancy of Marian Rivera (DingDong as the father). The response was just a very simple smile with that very intriguing stare to the host Boy Abunda. That silent reply made the issue clamor more.

Just this week, Marian reacted to Karyl's response. At the press interview of the movie DESPERADAS 2 (in which Marian is one of the cast), one reporter asked Marian as to what was her reaction with Karyl's response about the alleged pregnancy. Initially, she answered the query in full poise. Until it came to a point wherein she broke down and was nearly hysterical. She totally lost the poise that a classy woman should project in front of a crowd. She explained herself and said that she was hurt. She even emphasized and gave a supposedly right response to that pregnancy question. She still denied the alleged relationship with DingDong and reiterated that if they are really lovers, she would proudly let the people know. And if she is pregnant, she wouldn't deny that fact.

So here's what got me sooo annoyed that it came to a point where I'm already making a blog entry for this nonsense stupid crap.

: please do the math!

I know that it has been said a lot of times that a picture paints a thousand words. Well this one, I suppose is far from being a good painting. I get irritated by the fact that they kept on denying the stupid issue but they just can't behave properly (offcam) in such a way that people will stop accusing them of something.

Another one is this video which really shocked me a whole lot more! This made me stop and think for awhile. How could Marian and Dingdong have the guts to deny the issue of having a "special" relationhip when they act like normal lovers offcam.

But frankly speaking, I really don't care if they are really together or not! What I'm trying to stress out is they should stop denying the issue when they act so in love publicly! Come on Marian! Your crying facade in that press interview is far more pathetic than me making this blog! And lastly, to both Dingdong and Marian.. be happy but pleeeaase!! Don't Bullsh*t us!!!

It's Up to Us!

2008-12-14T06:27:00.000-08:00

The most expensive things in this world can’t be bought with money alone. They are expensive but priceless. They aren’t available in malls or department stores but they are scattered everywhere, literally – everywhere! People often seek for a better life. We struggle each day just to get a good job, dashing car, latest mobile phones, MP4s, laptops, shoes, dress, and many other things that are nothing but superficial. Many of us can’t sleep directly at night ‘coz we are preoccupied with our daily expenses, deadlines, and the horror of credit cards not to mention the bank representatives who never stop from ringing our phones.We worry too much. We are so afraid to commit mistakes. We never want to fail. Though we are already acquainted with the fact that nobody is perfect, we still struggle to be one. Though we already fully comprehend that we can’t please everyone, we still get affected with what others might say in every little decision that we make. At first, we thought we’d stop dreaming when we reach the highest peak of the mountains. But when we already made it to the zenith, next thing we know? We’re already dreaming for the heavens! Man, in nature, is ambitious. As long as he is breathing, he would never stop asking for more.

We all think that by getting all the wealth in this world, it would make us mighty and strong. Money talks? Certainly it does! Money takes us to greater heights and shows us fancy things that are amusing to the eyes. Money makes us move. It makes us do the unthinkable and even conquer the impossible. Every little thing we do in this world requires money. From the day we were born and ‘til the day we cross over, still involve money. Sadly, nowadays, it is hardly ever evident how love makes the world go round. It is more of how well money makes the world revolve. I don’t agree that money is the source of all evil. It is man’s way of excusing himself from the reality that he’s too weak to handle the force of money. Man is obsessive. He always finds way in getting what he wants. Initially, he may reside in achieving his goals the good way but if impediments rise on his road, man will then settle for an easy way. Even if it means hurting other people.. even if it means breaking a family’s home.. even if it means staining his soul.. even if it means losing himself – a man willfully commits those things simply because he wants it the easy way.

I’m not bitter or losing conviction in the goodness of human race. I just think that our present world is corrupted with greed, selfishness, and animosity. It’s poignant to know that most of us overlook the simple things in life. We think that a fancy restaurant or the coolest restobar will matter a lot. We usually miss the part of realizing that having our friends or loved ones around are more important. We think that it is enough for a person to work and earn a living for his family. What we don’t realize is that being there for our family and spending quality time with them may mean so much more. Dinner dates in superbly romantic places with an expensive jewelry present are surely wonderful things to ever happen but then a simple walk in park or even in pavement can be as meaningful and memorable as well. In the end, it’s that special moment with that very special person looking you straight in the eye – and then nothing else would really matter. Indeed, the most expensive things in the world are for free! They are actually scattered everywhere. Sometimes it’s even right in front of our very faces but we’re just blinded by the most superficial things that are enticing to the eyes. The people around us.. stuffs that suck and things that work out.. problems and solutions.. and ‘life’ itself are enough reason to celebrate life. After all, happiness is still a state of mind. Bottom line is.. It’s really up to us.

Being Twenty-Something

2008-11-17T05:47:00.000-08:00

My office mate forwarded me this striking composition. I really don't have any idea who wrote this one but then again I salute him/her for writing this. I really can relate to the max!hehe. When I was reading the whole thing, I smiled 'coz I realize something.. indeed, I'm not alone! There's someone who's feeling exact thing I'm feeling these days.. So if you're 20-something, might as well read this.. I swear it's worth the time!

Being Twenty-Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when
you stop going along with the crowd and start
realizing that there are many things about yourself
that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where
you will be in a year or two, but then get scared
because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and
that, maybe, those friends that you thought you
were close to aren't exactly the greatest people
you have ever met, and the people you have lost
touch with are some of the most important ones.
What you don't recognize is that they are realizing
that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or
insincere but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close
to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe
you are looking for a job and realizing that you are
going to have to start at the bottom, and that
scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see
what others are doing and find yourself judging
more than usual because suddenly you realize
that you have certain boundaries in your life and
are constantly adding things to your list of what is
acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are
insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of
your life. You feel alone and scared and
confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and
you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but
soon realize that the past is drifting further and
further away, and there is nothing to do but stay
where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how
someone you loved could do such damage to you.
Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet
anyone decent enough that you want to get to
know better. Or maybe you love someone but love
someone else too and cannot figure out why you
are doing this because you know that you aren't a
bad person.

One-night-stands and random hook-ups start to
look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an
idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the
same emotions and questions over and over, and
talk with your friends about the same topics
because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and
making a life for yourself... and while winning the
race would be great, right now you'd just like to be
a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone
reading this relates to it. We are in our best of
times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we
can to figure this whole thing out.

That Beautiful Sunday

2008-11-16T08:53:00.000-08:00

It was a long sunday.. but I definitely loved every single minute of it! So here's my ever awesome Sunday.. read and be enthralled!hehe

Mass at Lourdes Parish Church. I woke up at exactly 8 in the morning. It felt nice waking up knowing that there'll be a good day ahead of me. Anyways, knowing me (with all my rituals..haha), I had to double my time since the mass will start at 9:15am. FYI: We actually had this mass as a sign of our gratitude for all the prayers heard and wishes granted. Though we already revisited mostly of the churches we had during our Visita Iglesia prior to the board exam but yah know, it's still different when you offer a mass. That mass was also offered to our mates who'll also be taking the nursing board examination this coming Nov. 1&2 (seriously, they really need our prayers). Last week, invitations were sent to many of the successful June takers but sadly only a few made it to the mass. But I completely understand 'coz frankly speaking, many of us are already restricted by schedules that we aren't totally in control and not to mention the fact that many of our mates are now situated at their own provinces.. but I know in time.. one specific time in the future, all of us will see each other..will have a good long talk and laugh at those times of struggling and desperation!haha On the brighter side, surprisingly, our mates (Nov. takers) were also there to attend the mass. I could see the look of anxiety in their faces. I know how it feels coz I was once there and no matter how we convince them not to think much of the exam? It isn't gonna work 'coz we all know that the exam is risky.. and it's only sorted into two options - "the pass and fail buttons" and that mere fact gives chills to people who are about to take the board exam.

The Quick Huddle. After the mass, we decided to have a quick meeting regarding our plan to have our victory party. We all know that it's quite late already and it has been 48yrs since we passed the board but we still believe that we should have one.. that we deserve one! Sadly :-( , as mentioned above, people already have tight schedules and for that reason.. the planned party, as of now, is still very foggy. But personally? I really want this party to carry on 'coz this might be our last chance to see each other. The next one will be.. I really don't have any idea! Maybe 'yes' and maybe 'never again'.. but still I wish I know..",

At Jovel's Crib. At around 12pm, we left the church's premises and went to Jovel's place at Lapu2x and gatecrashed the birthday banquet of her sister. Indeed, the long travel (jeepney, ferryboat, and tricycle) was worth it. The food was superb and seriously! I was very full! We owed that to Jovel's mom!hehe After that great lunch, we stayed at Jovel's room and chitchatted about our recent updates in life.. about the working progress of our nursing career (which is by the way, stagnated as ever!hehe) and lots of stuffs that we missed out on each other. Seriously, we missed each other's company (te rodz, yan2x, che2x, jovel, and alin).

EcoTech. After visiting Jovel's place, we directly rode same public transportations mentioned above and went to the place where we used to have our in-house review. As we entered Ecotech, some sort of memories flashed back but I chose not to entertain them 'coz I'll only end up hurting myself from recollecting those happy, funny, and down moments inside the ecotech. In lieu to that, I greeted my friends whom I know are suffering from one of the greatest anxieties in their life. I offered some piece of advice but still I urged them to do it their way. i know for sure that no words can ever describe what they are feeling right now.. if they could only skip these days, certainly they would! But what they need right now are prayers! For in prayers, all things are possible!

Faithful Deceit

2008-11-10T07:26:00.000-08:00

Faithful Deceit

by: Conz6th

My world has stopped

and it's freezin' cold

My haven of sweet mornings

turned to desolated empty spaces

I fly but still I fall

I breathe just to suffocate

I live but I was deceived

Maybe I was overly assuming

that the world intertwines with me

I reckoned it would cry along

For it used to laugh with me

Maybe it was wrong from the start

To expect a clown to frown

Or to wait on a desert for rain to pour down

Many are destined to fall

but not all are fated to be caught

Some are bequeathed with beauty

but must undergo a lot of pain

Some aren't gifted with glamour

but still had nothing to begin

Life is unfair, it has always been.

I had to fall to recognize pain

I had to bleed just for me to be certain

that life isn't always about it's glamorous façade

and it is behind those beaming masks

where the look of grief and bitterness

are hidden to conceal the past

People learn but still get dumb

We long for something we always have

Many of us fight but still we struggle

For this never ending quest and battle

between pretense and validity, lie and proximity

Which is which? We often ask

But in this hazy world that we live in

No wonder why no one is presumed to be certain

Sarah and Rayver- No Air

2008-11-02T03:42:00.000-08:00

I just wanna share this. This prod. number is good.

Are you in PaiN?

2008-10-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

It's painful. Life is full of it. A lot of pains that you can't expect to subside in just one click. Below six months is considered to be 'acute pain' while beyond that is expected to be 'chronic pain'. I used to ask my patients to rate the level of pain they are experiencing (0 as the lowest and 10 as the highest). Some people may think that it's completely subjective but wrong.. not 'completely' coz we also have objective cues for pain (increased vital signs, grimaced face, profuse sweating, guarding behavior, decreased ability to focus and the like). The important thing I learned from the "Theory of Pain" (which was the first topic I had for MedSurg, discussed by Mrs. Panerio) was that "What is painful for you may not be painful for me and vice versa". The pain of physical or emotional. Well, basically they're the same.. it's just that the latter takes a lot of time to subside.

Everyday we are faced with different situations, different problems.. different pains. Sometimes it's getting too casual (bec. of chronicity) that our body tends to get used to it thus, pain will no longer be painful.. that it's still a state of mind.. that a constant exposure to a certain stimuli leads to a state which I call "nothing-new-stage". Our body tends to forget the pain and then live each day as if everything is fine and doing well. Our daily activities and rendezvous, friends and loved ones, favorite TV series - they simply mask the awful truth that we really are in pain.

Just when we thought that all wounds are healed but with just one bump of our head, all.. within just milliseconds turn to its real color and that color is RED.. Bloody red! We suddenly realize that no wound really healed. We stoop and see that we're still shattered by pieces. We are blinded by all the crazy stuffs we put up for ourselves just to convince our hurting ego that there's no need to worry about. But in reality? (reality sucks!) We still bleed. Some people bleed externally and weep for it while some people bleed internally.. silently screaming and going through the process of pain all by themselves.

Pain.. it's everywhere. Pain of holding on. Pain of standing still. Pain of leaving and pain of staying (when you really want to leave). Pain of letting go and pain of moving on. Toothache. Headache. Stomachache. Pain.. it exists to remind us that we're not yet 6 ft. below the ground. Life, by nature, is a series of never ending pain. Here's a simple thought I wanna share, "people can never penetrate and hurt us if they are not important to us in the first place". We are in pain, all of us! As what they always say, "No pain, no gain!" The road to heaven is never easy and it will be one kind of a hell pain! Life is painful. But as we reach the bottom of it, we realize all the reasons behind those pains. It signified a promise.. A promise that all is gonna be worth it!

A Day at Accenture

2008-10-27T07:16:00.000-07:00

We really had fun while we were making this video from planning to the actual shooting of pics and vid. I just wanna share this little presentation of ours..hehe We actually made this video for our All-hands activity last October 3, 2008. I hope you get to appreciate this vid (bisan dinalian ra ni..hehe). This also serves as our sweet memoir in our stay at Accenture. Well, so far I'm really enjoying my stay.. I met new friends and I created a fresh environment for myself. Though I'm not certain if how long will I stay in this company, one thing is for sure.. this part of my life is one of the best chapters my fate has ever written.

P.S. Thanks to Inday Rule who edited this video (she waked for this!haha) and to other PCS pipz who contributed their superb ideas that paved way to this favorable outcome.

Grace is Gone

2008-10-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

I just thought that I wanna share this song to you guys. If you're not that busy and you got nothin' to do, you might as well take time to listen to this song. It's really moving.. it can really touch your heart. This song is actually an OST from the movie "Grace is Gone" starred by John Cusack. If you feel like movie trippin' then I suggest this one. Of course I won't talk much about this movie so I won't spoil you thus you can appreciate it more. I can only guarantee you that after this movie you'll be left thinking.. pondering about the things that are actually happening in our our society today (especially in middle east and in our very own Mindanao). Sad but still.. true.

My Obsession: Sneakers!

2008-10-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

I still have my feet on the

ground, I just wear better shoes.

- Oprah Winfrey

These are my greatest obsession.. my sneakers!haha My weakness.. though ironic as it may seem but that weakness can make me confident in so many ways. Whenever I wear them, I feel like I'm the most blessed man walking along the hallway or even pavements! It boosts my confidence like I'm indestructible. It brings out the best in me. I can dance.. run.. play.. and live life because I'm wearing something I'm proud about. For me, these shoes are simply one of the best things man has ever invented in the entire history of mankind. Shoes (in my case, I prefer sneakers) is the most essential part of my wardrobe. Give me a worn out pair of jeans - I really wouldn't care much about it. Let me wear a faded t-shirt/polo shirt - honestly, I can live with it. Take my shoes without my permission - I swear you'll pay something huge! On the other hand, Give me a latest model of Nokia N-series.. you'll hear my sweetest thanK YOU! Present me with the most expensive perfume.. you'll see the widest smile on earth (that would be mine!hehe). Hand me a box with a pair of shoes in it - you'll hear my ever sweetest thank you, my widest smile and a huge hug coming from me with extra kiss (depends upon the person who gave me!hehe). And if by chance, you opt to settle in giving me cash.. haha! I'd still buy a pair of shoes!

Someday when I become very rich.. filthy rich like Oprah Winfrey (dream on conz!haha), I'll buy every pair of shoes that fits my taste. As of now, I'm only filthy (hehe! LOL!) but not rich.. that's why I learn to control my obsession. I believe that there's always time for everything. We should learn to set our priorities and who knows.. maybe someday, I can also have that closet like Oprah's closet (if you've seen that episode wherein she showed her entire closet, a department store looking closet!ehehehe then you can relate).

One Night of Celebrating Friendship

2008-10-14T07:31:00.001-07:00

October 11, 2008

@AteJazzy's Crib

"Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends."

Last Saturday, we had a sleepover at Ate Jazzy's place. Me, Yan2x, Alin, Ate Rodz, and Jovel were all there to bond and celebrate each other's friendship. It was a crazy night. A totally unforgettable one. Ate jaz prepared 'margarita' for us and i must say, it was good! She once said to me that she's a frustrated bartender (not a bar dancer!hehe), well.. she now has another option for a career - nurse maj. in bartending!haha It was even funny 'coz Jovel and Alin were first timers for such (am right? i dunno!haha).

Yan2x also brought her laptop so we watched her fave show ever (They Kissed Again - Taiwanese series). The lead actor is her ultimate crush so I never wondered why she giggled like it was just her first time to watch that series when in fact, it's almost six months that she has been watching the show over and over again (hay naku yan2x!ehehe). After yan2x's series, we watched "A Very Special Love'" (starred by Sarah Geronimo and John Lloyd Cruz) in which I was the one who brought the DVD. Indeed, that night was a whole bunch of kiligan to the max!haha! We felt like we were high school studs.. uhmmm.. there's nothin ' wrong with acting like kidz once in a while though!hehe

We also surfed the net and viewed some pics in friendster. Until it came to a point wherein we were already scanning the pics from our in-house review .. then suddenly we were nostalgic.. and missed our other friends. We laughed and got amused of how we were roughly 5 months ago. It felt like it was just yesterday and now, we're at the point of choosing our own pathways.. well, this is inevitable and that we have to face.

We talked anything under the sun (as usual- never ending 'chikahan'hehe!). Giggled like kids.. laughed like there's no tomorrow.. until the sun came up and it was already 5:30am (ai?? buntag na?hehe). The mirthful scene turned into bidding of goodbyes and the noise paved its way to silence (kay nakatog na si yan2x og c ate roda!hehe).. Like any good things in this world, it seemed to never last. But the friendship will always be there, it may be asleep for years but a single get-together would simply rekindle everything.

LEAVING me & you

2008-10-10T04:56:00.000-07:00

"LEAVING me & you"

By: Conz6th

I still believe in destiny, that if I'll stay, there's a reason

And if I'll leave and go on, God has his own reasons

You and I may not fully comprehend why

But in time, all the answers will appear

It'll make you realize, then make me feel better

♦

I can't find the exact words or the right explanation

Still, it won't suffice to make you feel good

Leavin' is quite synonymous with starting all over

And yes you may crumble when I go

Just don't forget that life goes on despite of it all

Little by little, you'll pick those tiny pieces

And I'm sorry if I can't be there to make you whole again

♦

One thing I realized today

We really cannot own someone and lock ‘em in our world

We may own their body but not their soul

Sometimes it's better to set them free

Than to make them stay but knowing that they're never really happy

♦

A heart that's wounded is also deaf

Though they hear reasons, still they never digest

You may be hurting, well it's your right

But please don't forget and bear in mind

That darkness won't be forever and soon there will be light

♦

If only there's something I can do

To make you feel better, certainly I would

But I know my stay won't do any help

As I will only cause you greater pain

Then the both of us, in the long run, have nothing to gain

♦

Time heals almost everything

You just have to give time

‘Coz when all is said and done

Silence then takes over the scene

Then you'll realize, there's another journey you ought to begin.

Game of Life

2008-10-08T06:39:00.000-07:00

My thoughts are playing and running.. they never cease or just even stop for awhile. I think of my plans, my own plans in life and then I halt.. What now? That's the biggest question, simple yet so hard to deal with. Whenever I think of my own future, I feel cold.. afraid..then a sudden disturbing feeling arises. These qualms never leave me alone maybe because I'm just afraid to fail (who's not?) though failing for me is no big deal, hitting the ground is a different story. And NO! Pride or shame.. or deflated self-esteem are not the worse things after failing, it's how steep it can be to pick up your shattered dreams, hopes.. one's soul - only for you to be whole again.

As of now, I convince myself that I'm still young and there's a lot in store for me from this life. Everyday experiences teach me to be strong. I'm slow in learning and I forget easily (you think it's fair? - I don't think either) but I never stop and what's important is that I have my own goals.. my own rules.. my own game. Faith is my coach and destiny is my arbitrator. I should play fair, no dirty tactics nor any shortcuts should be allowed. I shouldn't play safe, I'd rather play fair. Take risks as much as possible. I may lose Game 1 but never say die 'coz the game I put up for my self is Game 4ever! Being in my comfort zone is easier but less rewarding at the end of the day while struggling for a triumphant victory is far more ecstatic than playing safe at one corner.

In this game, I happen to be the only player at the center of the Arena. I have no competitor simply because I am my own worst enemy. I envy my being ambitious as I love my determination. I hate my inconsistencies but I adore my will to continue. I feel small when the world looks at me but I feel proud when I face eternity.

Of what will I become, that I'm not sure. Of what I am right now is a certainty of a mere thinking that I can be whatever, whoever I want to be. This is my Game. And I'm playing it in the most serious way.

The Gift of Friendship

2008-10-01T04:29:00.000-07:00

September 7, 2008

Moal-boal, Cebu

Philippines

: "a sunny day at Moal-boal with my all time friends"

I thank the Lord for the Gift of Friendship

For when I feel weak and desolated

They never cease to light my way

For when I feel like I am lost

They always show me the way

It's nice to know how we have grown as individuals. Many things already changed as time passed by but one thing really stayed (I'm praying it would be for good), it's our Friendship that never rusted thru time. Friendship is so magical that even if it's not everyday that you get to share time with friends, I can't explain, but when I'm with them I still get that special feeling of comfort.. superb joy.. acceptance.. and love.

Reminiscin'

2008-09-21T02:19:00.000-07:00

First night I slept not next to you, no words can describe what I felt except "loneliness".

Recollecting the conversations we used to have before going to sleep - it made me feel like I'm floating in the milky way, alone and quivering.
Remembering your own way of saying "Goodnight" - now I feel like there'll never be another good nights.
You may not know but I used to quietly stare at your face while you were sleeping - now I still do.. except that I close my eyes just to see you.

First morning I woke up without you - I wished I never woke up at all.

That distinct voice of yours that used to wake me up - I can still hear it up to now.

I recalled your smile that greets me early in the morning - it made me frown.

I thought of your eyes that welcomes me in my sweetest mornings so far - I cannot help it and made me cry.

First day I spent entirely without the nearness of you - I wished it would end as fast as possible.. but it never did.

That times when we used to walk together, I silently prayed I'd walk with you my whole life - now, as I walk through my life, I still look back.. hoping that in any way, for no known reason.. YOU stayed.
You may not know but from afar, I used to look at you steadily while you're with your friends - now, every time I come across a crowd, I still hope you're one of them.. hoping that in any way, for no known reason.. YOU never left.
When you're still beside me, when something is not right I know it would be fine eventually - now I know, I just know.. I'll never be the same again.

I never stopped counting.. and I must say, these are the longest Four Months of my life. Like a rolling snowball, my feelings grow each day even more. Loneliness must have loved my company 'coz it never left me. Pain was never tolerable but time introduced me to being numb. Solitude became my favorite past time.. reminiscin' then became my habit.

Reminiscin'..

.. does not necessarily mean, I'm not over you..

.. missin' you is another story.

WAtta Friday??!!

2008-09-13T02:31:00.000-07:00

At the Office

I had a great time.. dealing with one report the whole 8 hrs i was in the office. it was my first time to make such report so it was quite understandable!hehe one thing, i'm so strained in speaking "tagalog" grrr... it's not that I hate tagalog people but I really suck wen it comes to speaking it!hihi and i gotta practice it well coz im working with "lots" of tagalog colleauges... Well, months from now.. "gagaling din akong magtagalog" wahaha! anyway, i learned that report the hard way! bravora to me and to Bevs (my KT-ier from manila)!wekeke

Pongko-pongko Event

It's friday and we didn't have to wear our formal office attires and because of that, we (Tina, Jane, Gboi, Denise, Rule, Grace, and me) were very confident to have our lunch at a Pongko-pongko near Fooda. The food wasn't so great (it's kinda weird-- pongko2x stuffs should be awesome) but the company was superb... We were frequenlty laughin' like kids never minding the people around us (I gotta say, nagka-usa jd ang mga boangon!haha).

I also met some of my college classmates back then. They were havin' their review at Rivergate and decided to have their lunch at Pongko2x as well. We exchanged hi-hellos and they even congratulated me for passing the board (thanks guys!).

Pay Day!!!

It's pay day again. I was very excited that afternoon 'coz some of my officemates told me that they already checked their ATM and it's positive! (naa na mi sweldo!wekeke) At around six, Tina and me went to Ayala and checked ours. As I was about to check, it was weird coz the ATM couldn't recognize my Pin (akoi nakalimot or unsa??hehe) 'coz I am such a newbie in the ATM world, i really didn't know that 3 attempts of wrong Pin will block your account! And then... there goes the whole story - I went home without a money with me!! watta loser! grrr! :-(

The Call

For no known reasons, I kinda missed your voice.. a whole lot! (ok ok.. not your voice alone.. including you! i miss you!) Then, I dialed your number (obviously called you up) but I didn't answer. I chose not to. I was about to give in.. but I think, as of now, my brain is bigger than my heart. I don't wanna start again.. I'm already shattered, there's nothin' left to break. But frankly, I do admit, it made me smile when I heard your voice. And I really don't know 'til when can I control this part of me that is dying to see you once again!

This day.. was a freakin' Friday! I hope and pray that I'll be able to handle all the things that are presented in front of me. I know in time things will be so much easier..and brighter! As of now, I'm happy I have my weekend to rest and contemplate.. to be with myself.. to be at home.. writing and shouting my thoughts through this blog of mine!

CIT Tops Again!!!

2008-07-24T23:43:00.000-07:00

It's 2:07am and I'm still elated to the max!hihi Maybe because I received the best news ever in my entire life so far! and that news is.. I actually passed my NLE!! The feeling is juz superb! But the truth is there's dz enormous feeling inside of me that I juz can't explain.. Well, i can't really explain but i can narrate my story though!haha

It was already 11:04pm when my bestfriend ekay txted me a message that says, "Conz, congrats..Pasar ka sa board..hehe love u.." and I was like, "Waaattttt??? is this for real???" Me, my ate mean, cuzn Lyn2x and papa were watchn tv (Artificial Beauty was the show) while my mama was doin' the dishes when I received that life changing txt message from ekay.. I was dumbfounded for awhile.. astounded for a moment..but still with tinge of disbelief I replied to her txt message, "Tinood ka bes??... gae kog link bes beh.." And so I immediately turned on my PC to browse the net and personally see my name on the list. While i wz so excited to see my name, I wz thinking of my other friends too. Just when I was at the peak of my excitement, "toink!" I don't know what went wrong but my internet server was like the oldest turtle in town! And so I called my friend yan2x to confirm things up.. and she did.. yah!!! It was even more!! Yan2x told me that we got 93% as our passing rate (which is already very good for starters like us) plus the fact that MR. DALFON SILVIO B. NAVAJA (our ever most genius batch mate) made it to top 4! and I was like swept away from reality.. Hearing all those news, I couldn't help my self but burst into tears.. I even hugged my mom who was also very dramatic at that time!hehe

Up to now, I still can't believe that we made it to the top. Indeed, we put up a good fight. CIT Batch 2008 June Takers.. We fought.. We struggled and yet we stood up from the hazy world that we were once in. Since day one, our existence was already questioned like, "Naa diay nursing sa CIT, d bah eng'g raman na??" People even expressed their disbeliefs right in front of our very faces like, "Nganong CIT man? Daghan pa man mas nindot.." They even doubted if we'll ever gonna continue and proceed each year level and be able to graduate 'coz there were lots of rumors back then that our school doesn't have any permit to operate and anytime it will shut down. From then on, I've always said to myself that one day, I'm gonna prove these people wrong.. And now.. WE, the first pure-blooded RN teknoys, just proved all of them wrong! and hurray to that!!!

Behind this enormous success are the people who helped us a lot in so many ways. To our Dean, DR. JUDITH D. ISMAEL - you're the best ma'am! Thank you so much for staying so cool when your students were about to explode from all the pressures of board exam.. To our clinical instructors like Mam Dungog, Sir Sandro, Mam Sempory, Mam Abella, Sir Gio, Mam Uy (mao ni akong pirmi makit-an sa ecotech!hihi) and to those who one way or another helped and gave a lending hand! thank you so much.. And before I forget.. to our POWERDEV mentors..thank you so much as well, we really learned a lot from you! And lastly, to God Almighty who never ceases to create miracles and shower His blessings especially to those who are in need, thank you so much Papa God!!!

We may have won but we also have some of our brothers and sisters who didn't make it until the finish line.. but still I salute the six of you guysss!! And as what I've said, we put up a good fight.. We fought until the end.. We gave our very best and that alone is enough to be proud about!

And to the next batch who will take the November NLE.. God bless guys! May you learn from our mistakes and may you also aim high! We do hope that we inspired you even juz a 'lil.. no pressure guys, juz do your best! Give it all.. Fight 'til the end and don't succumb to your weaknesses... at the end of the day, what matters the most is how we put up a good fight and not by winning or losing!

"From oblivion we emerged.. Somewhere between nothingness and the thin air we surfaced.. and that's how we made our name.. that's how we made a history!!!"

Roldan S. Conde, RN

His Name was Francis

2008-07-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

" HIS NAME WAS FRANCIS"

by: Conz6th

He was Francis

The name you wouldn't want to miss

The eyes you wouldn't want to stare

It lures you but you couldn't just dare

I swear.. Believe me 'coz I've been there

♥

He was Francis

With a soul that is perfectly bliss

Those smile you almost can't resist

A solitary man as others may see him

But he'll surprise you with things you never imagined

♥

He was Francis

A man of sense and intellect

With a soft voice you always love to hear

Just like an old song over and over

Until all is gone except forever

♥

He was Francis

He'll make sure you're always at ease

He is gentle and kind

Not a single black bone you would ever find

From this person who never leaves you behind

♥

He was Francis

And I didn't quite see him as often as before

I don't know where he is right now

I don't even have a clue if he's okay or what

All I know is he still reside a big part in my heart

♥

He was Francis

And I feel like he's somewhere abyss

So if you happen to see him in a highway, subway,

or even in a pavement

Please do tell him that nothing's ever changed

And..and..and I'm running out of words to tell

Except that everyday.. I miss him like hell

♥

Yes, Francis may have left

But Edward will always remain in my memories

Francis is Edward, Edward is Francis

Still confused with the whole thing?

Well, this story is really meant to be unrevealing

...after 15 days..

2008-06-17T07:09:00.000-07:00

I'm startin' to make a life and I must tell you that it isn't really easy to make one. I've toiled so much just to get a brand new life. Looking for a decent job for nine days is not a joke. Yah I know, it was very tiresome and very disappointing when HRs are so fond of rejecting you. Well, I couldn't blame them 'coz whenever they ask something about me, I just can't answer them straight 'coz even me.. I'm not so sure about myself anymore. I was rejected lots of times like fate was already telling me to stop and think twice about the decisions that I've made for myself. But then I followed what I believe is right as of now.. "I want a new life".

After fifteen days, I've kept myself busy to conceal the reality of what I really feel inside. I wanna push my self to the limits.. don't care if I get so stressed out 'coz everytime my body feels overused? I just can't explain but emotionally, I tend to feel relieved. I burnout, stay up late at night, movie marathons, chat rooms, surfin' the net, hang-out with friends, wake up late - they are my so-called "Diversions". Askin' if they're effective?? well.. uhmmm.. they kinda' help a bit.. at least, they provide me temporary analgesia from all the pain that I can't seem to take off within my system. They help me take life one step at a time, slowly but surely though..

My friends (especially min2x).. I thank 'em for not leaving me in this enduring time of my life.. They stand up for me whenever I feel weak to bear these challenges I am facing.. They provide me comfort and security..they offer their shoulders for me to cry on..their time..support..and love are totally exceptional. They make me realize that despite the pain that I am goin' through, they are always there to bear it with me.. Words will never be enough to describe my gratitude and appreciation to my friends who held my hand when I was at the edge of a cliff.. hanging..

...after 15 days, I know I'm not yet there but i'm startin' to.. It's just so hard to take these hurdles when everytime I hear your whereabouts, I still feel pain deep within..maybe because your world that I use to be part of is now the world that I can't have and will never have..It's a big slap on my face that the things that are presented infront of me, as expected, have already snapped back to reality. In 15 days, I still falter.. stumble and can't even mumble.. I can't seem to get you off my mind.. you're still always in my thoughts.. i'm missin' you this much.. it's so obvious -- I'm not getting there yet.

People I miss.. (basig usa ka ani..)

2008-06-12T07:06:00.000-07:00

I miss a lot of people lately.. it's just so sad that i can't get to see these people as often as before.. I just miss the joy and funny moments when I'm with them.. So to express my feelings of how much i miss them, I'll just put it into writing (like I always do).. Here are some of the people that my heart is longing..

1. My siblings..(ate mean,ate balot,manoy jhei,manang mavs, and manang jen2x..) I miss the times when our sala was still very noisy and the six of us would fight over on what channel should we watch..hehe i miss the times when at times they would all bully me and tease me like I'm just an adopted son..haha now the silence of our home is just so deafening..but don't u worry guys, I'll be fine and i promise to take care of mama and papa as much as i can..

2. my high school berks (mizay,kika,joshua,rannie,ode) it was just like yesterday..four years ago, i spent my best days with these peepz..i miss the times when we used to hang out at Kika's crib and eat some of their left overs!haha wen we would go to SM wearing our school uniforms..those times when we would sit on the CIT grounds and chit-chat like we don't have an early class with Mr. Entese..hehe i miss the simple life we had..so juvenile..so innocent but not naive..

3. JMECJ (jasmine,marimee,eden,me,and Jelai) I can't imagine my college life without these creatures..hehe my closest friends back at college..i just miss the times when we used to go home late and talk like there's no tomorrow..our sparkle and bird's nest tripping at PRIZA's and how we used to own certain tables in that bakery..hehe i super miss the times when we used to lie down at CIT grounds and star gaze then share our lil' wishes to each other.. our giggles and chit-chats while discussion is goin' on..our 'cheating' arrangement in minor subjects..haha! i miss the times when we would visit Jelai's place at Danao and spend time at their farm.. the sharing of probs and how we laugh at dem right den after we expressed dem.. der r still lots of precious memories that i spent wit 'em that even time cannot erase.. i truly miss u guyzz.. our bonding was just beyond superb..

4. Robo and Caroline.. I miss robo.. of how 'kulit' he was.. He's the only one who teases me that I just can't afford to get irritated.. I miss his childish ways of telling me that I'm also special.. He may be super "kulit" but he's a good listener and adviser and i super miss that.. I also miss Caroline.. when I'm with her, I feel like she's my real sister..so sincere..with a pure soul..really caring to the max and i really miss that..huhu i miss lots of things from these lovers not to mention our so-called love triangle!haha

5. Ka mec and Limay.. I miss 'em..i miss their way of treating me like i was their lil' brother.. They would always take time to listen from all the stories that I would share.. Ka mec, i miss my big sis.. her own ways of letting me feel that I still have a sibling around and that I shouldn't get much affected of being left alone..ehehe Limay, i miss the way she talks..so soft spoken and sincere.. thank you may for being there wen i needed a shoulder to cry on..jz miss d both of u!!

6. Ate Jazzy.. my best bud.. the two of us do really have the same wavelength..we could talk all night long if we want to (we can't seem to run out of topic)hehe.. i miss our chit-chats.. sharing of "HOUSE" series when in fact both of us already watched it..hehe people sometimes say that where Ate Jasmine dwells, roldan exists!wahaha we were totally inseparable back then and I super miss those times..

7. te rodz, yan-yane, chi-chi, jaday, tungz, Archi, wilson.. the 'trash talkers and small brains' - that's wat we used to address ourselves back then at N1 days..hehe These people were the most high spirited people in our section..there were no dull moments, as in.. i miss te rodz for always bringing laughter in the group, for always fighting for us, for defending us.. I miss yan-yane for her never ceasing smile..even in most depressing times, yan2x's smile would still be there to brighten up the scenario..hehe chi2x.. for being such a supportive friend, supporting even my craziest ideas..hehe for never leaving me in times of despair..i miss her very small brain as well..hehe jaday..for always taking time to listen..she may be quiet and shy-type at times but if uL get to know her better, uL see a different side of her..jolly,talkative, and most of all..she has a small brain as well..haha Tungz, for being overly serious in his speeches or in simple chit-chats..haha for his tendencies of being out of topic at times..hehe wat i miss most about dz guy is for being a pastor "kuno" in our group.. in fairness, this friend of mine is a good son of our Lord.. Archi.. being there for me everytime i needed someone to talk to..for helping me with my probs..for being so understanding..i miss the times wen we wud chit-chat and share our probz..tnx chi for being there juz wen i badly needed a friend..i miss our conversations..i swear.. and lastly, wilson..i'LL miss his way of thinking..intelligent (sometimes i cant fathom..wekeke) and tnx 'son for understanding me.. i really appreciate it up to now..

8. Bebe and Epin.. I miss our moments.. there was a time when the three of us were so depressed of our LuvLyfs..hehe then we went to Mc Donald's for a coke float tripping!hehe indeed, Mr. Mc Donald's really helped a lot! I miss the times of sharing..of coping from all the challenges of college life..hehe these two really supported me wen i was jz adjusting back at 1st yr college..ehehe

9. My Bessy Doray..she's just the best..simply the best.. a very supportive friend..i miss her own ways of telling me that everything's gonna be okay..i miss our ever most "drama" moments.. truly, she's the exact friend where i can cry without hesitations 'coz i know that there's no judgement at all.. eversince high school, our frienship is tested thru time..and I'm juz so proud to have u as my friend.. miss u so much best!!!

10. Errol, Charlie, Mam Pamz..i miss these peepz..the company.. the adventures..the out of towns (unplanned mostly!hehe).. the super fun and enjoyable micro subject of mam pamz.. the mem'ries i had with these pipz are jZ so special that I wud never trade it to anythingelse in this world..i miss errol for making me laugh, like really laugh at the top of my lungs..for being so happy and gay.. I miss charlie for being so sensitive..for treating me like I was his real sibling (not to mention the freebies and ol the treats!hehe).. for always askin' if I'm okay.. I truly miss the three of us rol and cha.. I juz don't know if we'll still be able to reunite but I'll never stop prayin' that the both of u will patch things up..kiss and make up.. forgive each other.. Mam Pamz, i miss her sow much!! She wz like my 2nd mum already..my best mentor ever..tnx for inspiring me mam..u're simply the best..she treated me not only as a student but as a true friend..i hope one day i cud visit u at NZ!! and we'll have a cup of coffee perhaps and reminisce the happy days we had..

11. Ekay.. She's my best friend thru thick and thin.. Literally thru "thick and thin"hehe back at HS when i wz the thin one and she's the thick one..haha but now's a different story..i'm thick and she's this sexy Ms. Mandaue already!wekeke but still..the friendship s still there and I think that wud be the single most thing that will always prevail and wud never change.. I miss u kay! all the silly things that she wud do..for being so immature..for always dragging me like she can't walk alone back then..hehe indeed, wen almost all of the people love you for being "almost perfect".. I'm loving you from all of your imperfections!!

12. Wyn, rea, Keisha, king2x..my super friends.. i miss the good times..the disco fever..the sleep overs!!hehe Wyn, for always laughin' at my jokez..haha for her tactlessness..hehe Rea, for ur company..hehe listening from all my repeatedly told stories.. Kei, for not letting go of our friendship..we almost lost our friendship, tnx to God! He made me realize ur worth and without a doubt, it's worth keeping.. Ngik2x, for all the times you stood by me..for sparing me much of your time and for always listening to me..for treating me so special..for letting me realize that I should love my self first..i miss our study times..hehe coffee times..brisk walking moments..haha undoubtedly, i really miss u king!!

13. Xhiange!! i juz miss her honesty.. really real gurl.. no pretensions.. i miss our badminton days xhiang!haha tnx for giving me a big hug each time i feel weak..ur such a friend! tnx for that!

14. My NSBO advisers..Mam Daryl and Sir Abz.. Mam aramil, tnx for being such a good mentor..i miss her firmness and for always standing for wat is right..most importantly, she always fights for her students..I may not say this often but I really appreciate you mam! i learned a lot from you..looking back, I realize that u were a great friend and thank you so much for understanding me.. seriously, for understanding the entire me..tnx for the good times mam!! Sir Bons, i miss him sow much..coolest mentor ever..we had lots of good times and some were not so good times..hehe but still we managed to laugh despite the pressures back then.. Sir bons, u inspire me a lot..Tnx for seeing us wen u went home..haha i hope i can also visit u at NY..hehe den we'll have a great tour at york!ehehe Sir, tnx for letting me feel like i wz ur own..i really appreciate your kindness.. I'll never forget all the wisdom that u imparted to us!!! mis u sir and mam!!

So what now??

2008-06-01T07:04:00.000-07:00

yah..i'm starting to fix myself. Lil' by little i'm picking up the pieces that I, myself broke. I know that this won't be easy but I should do this. I still have my own life.. my friends.. my family.. and my own future to think about. Inch by inch im regaining the life i used to have. I miss the old me. I miss the times when I can still laugh like there's no tomorrow. Im letting go.. and i do hope that i'LL be able to move on eventually. I can never say when will it ever be but i'm pretty sure that day will come.

Though I lived my life these past few days in a very painful way, I still try to be strong. I know.. unrequited love is frustrating and painfuL but still I thank God above all the things that are happening to me right now. For two long years, my heart was just another part of my human anatomy. I was actually afraid if I still know how to love someone. And now I'm just so thankful.. this must be the positive side of all the things that are happening to me.. I've proven to myself that.. in fairness.. I still know how to love.. that I'm still human, vulnerable to this very special feeling.

Letting go of someone we love and accepting that they no longer want to be with us can be a painful thing to cope with. It's double the pain when you have to let go of someone you never really had in the first place. But the heart does heal.. it's just that sometimes, almost all the time, it's a long process. As for me, I try to convince myself by saying that I've lived much of my life without this person before, then I guess I can do it all once again. I just need time.. I just need to be strong.. and hang on.

A Part Time Kind of Love

2008-05-29T07:00:00.000-07:00

It was totally unexpected. Even me.. I really didn't see it coming and if I did, I wouldn't want to be in a situation wherein in all angles.. I'm the one who'll lose the game. I was afraid to face the fact that I actually fell for a person whom I know I'll never have.. It took me a lot of courage to swallow the truth but I confronted it eventually. I was just afraid to fall for someone once again 'coz the last time I did the wounds never really healed (or will it ever mend? am not even sure).. I was furious to face the reality that I was starting to like someone when I knew at that moment that I shouldn't 'coz I entered the house to study and not just to play games. I was scared to try but the lovin' feeling was stronger and it made me face my fear. In fairness, my feelings weren't rejected.. it was even acknowledged and I said to myself, "this is gonna be worth it". I will not deny the fact that inside that house I've created my own paradise.. a haven from my tedious life outside. My friends kept on telling me that I'll only get hurt but still I took risks. I realized that what's the point of restraining my self from fallin' when I knew for a fact that I'll still fall eventually whether I liked it or not. Seriously, seriously.. I know that not all will understand but I fell for someone I wasn't supposed to.. but the damage has been done and there's no use crying over spilled milk. I admit that I stumbled (greatly) but I stood up for it and was not afraid of the world to laugh at me from dreaming of someone I can never have.

I was happy living a very temporary kind of life. I was contented of the simple smiles and genuine laughs I had beside my so-called "baby". I've spent every ounce of time to the fullest. I've spent every moment we shared as if it was the last. Up to now.. Looking back.. I really don't have any regrets. I know from the start that it wouldn't last any longer but I still I persisted to continue enjoying the moment that a part time kind of love has to offer. Inasmuch as I wanted it to last but still I knew where I stood up and I was situated somewhere in the middle of something I can't figure out.. and then I realized that I was nowhere to be found. I don't even have the smallest right to feel bad inside 'coz since the day I accepted this feeling, I have already foreseen that it would end tragically. Despite the fact that there's a big sign that says "DEAD END", I still continued living a life that was nothing but momentary.

I was honest and it really felt nice knowing that I didn't have to fool my self of what I really felt inside. I know that the encounter is very brief but what matters the most as of now is how authentic my feelings were. For a long time, I tried to convince my self that parting ways for us won't be that hard 'coz I already know and I'm not expecting anything (I should not be).. But when the last day came, I really can't help but shed a tear. I know goodbyes aren't really for me but when peole started exchanging their goodbyes, it really shattered my heart into pieces. It's not that i wouldn't want to let go nor just being egocentric but saying goodbye to that person was the hardest part 'coz I knew from the start that outside the house.. it's totally different story.

And now.. I'm livin' the life without the nearness of you.. Be, I'm trying my best to let go but you know I still have to undergo a process and this won't be solved within two or three days.. or weeks.. or months.. this will be long.. But one thing I'll promise you..I'll be okay..I'll be so much fine.. I know I'll miss you.. damn! I'm really gonna miss you but then I have to deal with this.. 'coz this is already the real world and gone are the fantasies and make believes that I once created for the two of us.. In this existing world, you've got yours and I've got mine and ours will never meet and that I have to accept. Don't worry be..I'll be so much fine just give me enough time.. Just please let me still linger to the good memories that we once had.. It makes me strong each time I feel weak thinking the distance that we have right now.. a gap that i can never harness ever again.. but maybe one day, I'll realize and will be able to move on.. I'll call your attention and maybe befriend you once again like yesterday, like yesterday when things were so much okay.

Goodbye 2007 and Hello 2008!

2008-01-02T06:58:00.000-08:00

Goodbye 2007 and hello 2008! As I look back to the year that passed, there are so many stories that I opt not to tell ‘coz I’m afraid it would take me another year to narrate. As for me, that year was just another year. Years? They are actually just numbers to mark something that is to be started and ought to be ended, eventually. In the past year, I learned lots of stuffs. I was hurt at times but most importantly I was still loved. I lost some of my jewel friends along the way but some of them still stayed and accepted me for who I am. I also met new friends though there were still old faces that I love to see each day of my life. I also accomplished some things but I also failed in some parts. Some people hurt me badly; I’m no saint so I hurt them back. I fought lots of battles, sometimes I lost but most of the time I won!

I’m no fan of New Year resolutions. For me, it’s like fooling your own self. If one person really wants to change, he/she doesn’t change for another person or for any other new year resolutions. When a person decides to change for the better, it shouldn’t be for anything else – it should be for himself/herself. Though New Year resolutions for me is nothing but a crap, I still believe that when you see things aren’t right and you’re fully convinced that it’s affecting the people around you; you might as well consider minimizing things and eventually leading to eradicating things that are no good to you and to the people around you who love you dearly. In the end, we are still the captain of our own ship. People may beg, request or even command but then the last say is still and will always be up to us.

In this year 2008, I can say that I’ll still be the old me last year. To hell with these years! They just exist not only to mark histories but most of all to remind us that no one is getting any younger. I’m pretty sure that this year will be another year of tears to be shed but then still there will be laughter as loud as the emotions of juvenile world! Surely, lots of challenges that I hope I still can handle. Another sort of wounds that I’m sure will heal eventually. Another Hi and Hellos, Goodbyes and See You Again though I’m not sure ‘bout the latter part. This year is gonna be another joy ride, another ups and downs! A roller coaster – that’s life! A whole bunch of taking risks, taking chances and sometimes giving intelligent guesses! Like what Forrest Gump said – “My momma always said, Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

i made this poem for a friend..

2007-12-31T06:55:00.000-08:00

HELLO

by: Conz6th

I met you in the most unexpected way

I never reckoned that day to be very astonishing

A monotonous day of mine as it has always been

Thanks to you for changing a little bit the scene

∞

You were alone along the shore

Spending solitary moment with nature

I don’t know why I came close to your place

Maybe it was the sunset I guess

∞

I looked at you with some sense of prejudice

Just another nonsense piece of a crap I presumed

But then I said to myself why not give it a try

I asked your name and gave a mock hi

∞

You genuinely answered all my questions

I sometimes smile with no concrete reasons

Maybe I was wrong with my perception

And that you really are an interesting person

∞

We talked and talked

Shared our point of views on this and that

We almost forgot to realize because of fun

That the stars and moon were already there to replace the sun

∞

How amazing you are, I never imagined

Knowing you that single day was truly rewarding

Even if I don’t know you that long

I’m proud of you, I can’t be wrong

∞

Just after you and your friends left

I gave a big sigh

Maybe because I wanted you to stay

And keep surprising me with your own extraordinary way

∞

I don’t know when or will I ever see you again

Though one thing was for sure

The time you let me look closer at your life

I silently wished to be part of it too.

Dec312007

3:00am

Emergency Room

2007-11-07T06:51:00.000-08:00

August 2, 2007

My first day at Emergency Room… honestly, my feelings were vague. I had the feeling of fearing the unknown. When I saw the vicinity, there were lots of people that were very busy and the faces of my AM shift classmates were very sweaty, looked like they went to a messy disco house. When Mr. Ylanan toured us in the whole area, I was astounded by the number of patients who were admitted in the ER. Some really looked dreadful especially in the Pediatric section wherein a number of dengue cases catapulted like nuts. I saw the helpless infants and lamented faces of the significant others – then I started asking my self… can I do it???

I will admit the fact that I doubted my self. I was doubtful if my skills were enough to suffice the needs of my patients. I was doubtful if… I can do it but on the brighter side, I looked at my group mates and it came across my mind that I have nothing to fear about. Like me, they must have been very frightened as well but then I realized that we still have each other and that’s why we are called group because we are one and we’re ready to lend a hand. Another thing that boosted my confidence was the mere presence of my clinical instructor. I knew that he was always ready to lead us. Lastly, what heightened me to be confident was the existence of people that sought my help. The people who in one way or another needed my assistance. Ready or not, I faced the ER with all the confidence that I gathered from the people around me.

Mr. Ylanan assigned me and Ms. Causing at the IM (Internal Medicine) section and some of my other group mates were assigned at the GS (General Surgery). When we entered IM, I didn’t know what was the first thing to do until Mr. Ylanan assigned me to six patients. I was really uneasy that time because I thought that six patients were too much plus the possibility that any moment, one of them may be coded or resuscitated but still I went on. First thing I did is I regulated their IVs (of course, I asked the NOD about the desired drop for each patient) and then I talked to the significant others about the situation of their relative admitted. I had a patient who had a left hemiplegia, a patient with kidney problem and was admitted for hemodialysis, a patient with diarrhea, a patient with peptic ulcer, a patient who was unconscious and was ambubagged by his SO, and a patient with severe hypertension. My mind seemed to twirl with the six patients under me, I was dumbfounded and then I realized why the faces of my classmates in AM shift were very messy because being in ER wasn’t really a joke. I changed the diaper of an overweight stroked patient filled with urine and then a couple of minutes after that, the patient for hemodialysis called my attention and told me that she thought her diaper was filled with dirt and so I changed her diaper. I also performed Tepid Sponge Bath to a high blood patient who had hyperthermia. SOs from the unconscious patient would often call me out to suction the secretions in the mouth of the patient. Taking vital signs of all the patients inside IM were one of the protocols. Luckily, I was blessed with one minor case when I was rotated at GS. A guy met an accident heading through home so the doctor had to suture his wounds at the left lower extremity.

In this exposure, I realized that fear of the unknown is quite normal when you are new to a certain place or area. I realized that you just have to do your best and then next thing you’ll know you’re making things possible in contradiction to what you doubted and feared at the start. I realized that there are many lessons that you will acquire at ER, interaction with the disconcerted significant others… patience, in changing the patient’s diapers… tolerance to stressful events… most of all, believing in ones self.

- Conz6th

I made this poem..for those sad breakups...

2007-11-07T06:35:00.000-08:00

BROKEN
by: Conz6th

All those dreams that we had
All the plans that we used to list
I never thought we would end up like this
Just believed in the word forever
I thought I heard you say you’d leave me never
♥
Hear me now
See the world you have forsaken
Feel the life you gave up
I’ve tasted all the pain in the world
Ever since the day we broke up
♥
I’m bursting in tears
All of me is now vexed with fears
I don’t know where to go after this
It seemed like all the doors are shut in front of me
Leaving me helpless, feeling so worthless
♥
Where do I go from here?
What’s the best thing to do next?
To pick up the broken glass and continue bleeding
Or to leave it behind and let time do the healing?
I don’t know where I should go, I just want to stay
♥
This is not what I planned for us
This is not what I wanted us to be
A love song without a melody
A poem in absence of a soul
That’s “us”, I mean “you” and “me”
♥
Promises are all shattered
Now that we drifted apart
I don’t know which part we screwed up
All I know is that I gave my damn best
By just thinking about you and forgetting the rest
♥
I fancy our story is a kind that will never end
But now that we reached the finale and
decided to close the book
I still wish I can take one more look
If I could just read our story all over again
I would love to do it, even now that I’m broken