It was totally unexpected. Even me.. I really didn't see it coming and if I did, I wouldn't want to be in a situation wherein in all angles.. I'm the one who'll lose the game. I was afraid to face the fact that I actually fell for a person whom I know I'll never have.. It took me a lot of courage to swallow the truth but I confronted it eventually. I was just afraid to fall for someone once again 'coz the last time I did the wounds never really healed (or will it ever mend? am not even sure).. I was furious to face the reality that I was starting to like someone when I knew at that moment that I shouldn't 'coz I entered the house to study and not just to play games. I was scared to try but the lovin' feeling was stronger and it made me face my fear. In fairness, my feelings weren't rejected.. it was even acknowledged and I said to myself, "this is gonna be worth it". I will not deny the fact that inside that house I've created my own paradise.. a haven from my tedious life outside. My friends kept on telling me that I'll only get hurt but still I took risks. I realized that what's the point of restraining my self from fallin' when I knew for a fact that I'll still fall eventually whether I liked it or not. Seriously, seriously.. I know that not all will understand but I fell for someone I wasn't supposed to.. but the damage has been done and there's no use crying over spilled milk. I admit that I stumbled (greatly) but I stood up for it and was not afraid of the world to laugh at me from dreaming of someone I can never have.
I was happy living a very temporary kind of life. I was contented of the simple smiles and genuine laughs I had beside my so-called "baby". I've spent every ounce of time to the fullest. I've spent every moment we shared as if it was the last. Up to now.. Looking back.. I really don't have any regrets. I know from the start that it wouldn't last any longer but I still I persisted to continue enjoying the moment that a part time kind of love has to offer. Inasmuch as I wanted it to last but still I knew where I stood up and I was situated somewhere in the middle of something I can't figure out.. and then I realized that I was nowhere to be found. I don't even have the smallest right to feel bad inside 'coz since the day I accepted this feeling, I have already foreseen that it would end tragically. Despite the fact that there's a big sign that says "DEAD END", I still continued living a life that was nothing but momentary.
I was honest and it really felt nice knowing that I didn't have to fool my self of what I really felt inside. I know that the encounter is very brief but what matters the most as of now is how authentic my feelings were. For a long time, I tried to convince my self that parting ways for us won't be that hard 'coz I already know and I'm not expecting anything (I should not be).. But when the last day came, I really can't help but shed a tear. I know goodbyes aren't really for me but when peole started exchanging their goodbyes, it really shattered my heart into pieces. It's not that i wouldn't want to let go nor just being egocentric but saying goodbye to that person was the hardest part 'coz I knew from the start that outside the house.. it's totally different story.
And now.. I'm livin' the life without the nearness of you.. Be, I'm trying my best to let go but you know I still have to undergo a process and this won't be solved within two or three days.. or weeks.. or months.. this will be long.. But one thing I'll promise you..I'll be okay..I'll be so much fine.. I know I'll miss you.. damn! I'm really gonna miss you but then I have to deal with this.. 'coz this is already the real world and gone are the fantasies and make believes that I once created for the two of us.. In this existing world, you've got yours and I've got mine and ours will never meet and that I have to accept. Don't worry be..I'll be so much fine just give me enough time.. Just please let me still linger to the good memories that we once had.. It makes me strong each time I feel weak thinking the distance that we have right now.. a gap that i can never harness ever again.. but maybe one day, I'll realize and will be able to move on.. I'll call your attention and maybe befriend you once again like yesterday, like yesterday when things were so much okay.
