...after 15 days..

I'm startin' to make a life and I must tell you that it isn't really easy to make one. I've toiled so much just to get a brand new life. Looking for a decent job for nine days is not a joke. Yah I know, it was very tiresome and very disappointing when HRs are so fond of rejecting you. Well, I couldn't blame them 'coz whenever they ask something about me, I just can't answer them straight 'coz even me.. I'm not so sure about myself anymore. I was rejected lots of times like fate was already telling me to stop and think twice about the decisions that I've made for myself. But then I followed what I believe is right as of now.. "I want a new life".

After fifteen days, I've kept myself busy to conceal the reality of what I really feel inside. I wanna push my self to the limits.. don't care if I get so stressed out 'coz everytime my body feels overused? I just can't explain but emotionally, I tend to feel relieved. I burnout, stay up late at night, movie marathons, chat rooms, surfin' the net, hang-out with friends, wake up late - they are my so-called "Diversions". Askin' if they're effective?? well.. uhmmm.. they kinda' help a bit.. at least, they provide me temporary analgesia from all the pain that I can't seem to take off within my system. They help me take life one step at a time, slowly but surely though..

My friends (especially min2x).. I thank 'em for not leaving me in this enduring time of my life.. They stand up for me whenever I feel weak to bear these challenges I am facing.. They provide me comfort and security..they offer their shoulders for me to cry on..their time..support..and love are totally exceptional. They make me realize that despite the pain that I am goin' through, they are always there to bear it with me.. Words will never be enough to describe my gratitude and appreciation to my friends who held my hand when I was at the edge of a cliff.. hanging..

...after 15 days, I know I'm not yet there but i'm startin' to.. It's just so hard to take these hurdles when everytime I hear your whereabouts, I still feel pain deep within..maybe because your world that I use to be part of is now the world that I can't have and will never have..It's a big slap on my face that the things that are presented infront of me, as expected, have already snapped back to reality. In 15 days, I still falter.. stumble and can't even mumble.. I can't seem to get you off my mind.. you're still always in my thoughts.. i'm missin' you this much.. it's so obvious -- I'm not getting there yet.