My thoughts are playing and running.. they never cease or just even stop for awhile. I think of my plans, my own plans in life and then I halt.. What now? That's the biggest question, simple yet so hard to deal with. Whenever I think of my own future, I feel cold.. afraid..then a sudden disturbing feeling arises. These qualms never leave me alone maybe because I'm just afraid to fail (who's not?) though failing for me is no big deal, hitting the ground is a different story. And NO! Pride or shame.. or deflated self-esteem are not the worse things after failing, it's how steep it can be to pick up your shattered dreams, hopes.. one's soul - only for you to be whole again.
As of now, I convince myself that I'm still young and there's a lot in store for me from this life. Everyday experiences teach me to be strong. I'm slow in learning and I forget easily (you think it's fair? - I don't think either) but I never stop and what's important is that I have my own goals.. my own rules.. my own game. Faith is my coach and destiny is my arbitrator. I should play fair, no dirty tactics nor any shortcuts should be allowed. I shouldn't play safe, I'd rather play fair. Take risks as much as possible. I may lose Game 1 but never say die 'coz the game I put up for my self is Game 4ever! Being in my comfort zone is easier but less rewarding at the end of the day while struggling for a triumphant victory is far more ecstatic than playing safe at one corner.
In this game, I happen to be the only player at the center of the Arena. I have no competitor simply because I am my own worst enemy. I envy my being ambitious as I love my determination. I hate my inconsistencies but I adore my will to continue. I feel small when the world looks at me but I feel proud when I face eternity.
Of what will I become, that I'm not sure. Of what I am right now is a certainty of a mere thinking that I can be whatever, whoever I want to be. This is my Game. And I'm playing it in the most serious way.
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